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I'm not sure what to do? (cheating)

My husband told me a couple days ago that early on in our marriage he cheated on me. I couldn't believe it. I just feel so unattractive and sometimes I just don't even know what to do with myself. He apologized profusely and told me it would never happen again. He keeps asking if there is anything he can do. I really just want to go out and shop until I can't buy anymore but I don't think he'll go for that. I just want to get things for myself and focus on those instead of my current situation, does this make sense? I just really need some advice, I've never been through anything like this and I just don't even feel like myself since he told me. I don't even know when I'll ever want to be intimate with him. I could really use some advice.

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Asked by Anonymous at 8:20 AM on Feb. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • well hun im sooo sorry that you are going through this i would beat the crap out of my husband if he ever did that.... this one is hard to answer tho... all i can say IMO once a cheater always a cheater.... thats how it has always happened for me. but if you need to talk im here.

    Answer by SkylinesMommy at 8:27 AM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • soo sorry you're dealing with this right now!
    you need to make a decision (not right this second) about whether or not you want to forgive and move on with your marriage (with our without outside help), or if you can't forgive him and want a divorce. forgiving something like that, can be VERY hard, and it definitely doesn't happen overnight.
    but if you decide you want to forgive him and move on with your marriage, you need to start the healing process. you need to talk to your husband and get the answers you need to be able to put the incident behind you. cry if you need to, hell, shop if you want to! but don't completely ignore the issue. get to the bottom of the issue and talk it out. communication and regaining the trust will be the foundation to putting this behind you. but once you decide to forgive him and move on, you need to do just that. it's not fair to keep bringing it up and throwing it in his face.

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 11:00 AM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I'd ask him what was the purpose of telling you now? If he was sorry and wasn't going to do it again he could have dealt with it and made it up to you for the rest of your life without dragging you into his muddy water. Now his conscience feels better and you feel like crap, you have doubts, this will cause distrust and he's created a major bump in the marital road. Some men can be idiots. He made a mistake in the beginning and it's like he's punishing YOU for his sin now. That's just wrong. I'm sorry you married a guy who is so insensitive that he would intentionally hurt you like this. This is why I tell people, if you cheat and see it was a mistake then go to your grave with the secret. Just make it up to the spouse.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:07 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • i would try counseling maybe he realized he should not be lying to the love of his life, it was in the beginning not that it is an excuse but its not like he is doing it now i would still be mad and hurt so i understand but if you love him try counseling its a good first step.

    Answer by sami07 at 1:17 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • just leave him. its disgusting when someone cheats, i would never stay married to a cheater

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 1:32 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I'm not sure what I would do... how long have you been married? Has he ever given you any reason to suspect him before he told you? Is it the idea that he was able to look you in the eye and lie to you, sneak around etc, or that you weren't "smart" enough to catch him (a lot of people aren't because they give no real clues).
    If you want to keep the marriage, you need to talk to him, tell him that this is old news to him but it's new to you and the hurt is fresh. He was wrong to try to ease his conscience by unloading this on you. Maybe someone was threatening to tell youl, maybe a lot of things but I hope he knows what he's done... you'll be questioning every move he made that you weren't with him now most likely. He could've carried it to his grave and but he handed you the cross to bear cause he was too tired of carrying it... selfish jerk.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:29 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

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