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Blended family dilemma

When my dh and I got married, we came into the relationship with 2 of mine and 1 of his from our first marriages. I spoke of wanting us to "care for" the 3 kids we had, when they were under our roof, as co-parents to provide stability in their lives. Which meant, constant communication with each other of how their daily lives were going. DH just said, "oh yeah, that sounds like a good idea". So to my surprise, I found it interesting when his son got in trouble at school, and his ex wife told him about it during one of his drops to our house, and the whole weekend, dh never mentioned it. When I found out a week later thru my ss, I questioned dh about the lack of communication, and he blew it off. Since then, there have been many things that he has "forgotten" to tell me regarding his son, and I feel our "unit" of being there for the kids is broken and heading the wrong direction. Is my marriage in trouble?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Feb. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • there will be some things that your husband and ex will have to deal with, and it might not be anything that you personally could do anything about, so why mention it to you? I think your overanylizing it a little. He'd probably just be telling you for informations sake.....they've got to work it out between them, because they are his primary parents...even if you are married to your husband.
    Welcome to the world of blended families!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • Op now. Yes, I realize this, however, when it affects the kids while under "our roof" that is where we come "together" as parents to help the situation. That particular incident that happened at school, had my ss grounded from some of his electronic games, and had I known that for the weekend we had him, it would have been easier to not mess up and tell him he could play them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:27 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • Your marriage isn't in trouble. You want co-parenting and he isn't buying into it. It may work for him to co-parent your kids since he lives with them all the time but he may not feel the need to share everything with you about his son.

    That doesn't have anything to do with your marriage. You are just the step-mother and always will be. That should be clear by now from your husband's actions. There is nothing wrong with that. It sounds like he either handles issues about his son with his son's mother or just ignores everything. It may be none of your business.

    You can't force your parenting philosophy on him and shouldn't overstep your boundries as step-mother.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:28 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • Op now. To pp, we each have all 3 of our kids 4 days a week, my kids are with their dad the rest of the time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • It takes times to adjust. It will get better. Continue to communicate.

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:31 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • If your husband didn't tell you he couldn't play video games you didn't mess up.

    By the way punishment doesn't work. It doen't stop bad behavior or teach good behavior. It makes kids behave worse, lie, sneak, and resent their parents. Your and your husband may benefit from counseling on parenting.

    Answer by Gailll at 1:32 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • op again. The reason I even got married at all for a second time, was because this part of our marriage was at the top of the list important for me. For all 3 of our kids sakes, it was important for me to know a "family unit" was in place for these kids who had already suffered coming from a broken home. Otherwise, i would have stayed single. When my kids are with their dad, he does things in his household his way. We respect each others privacy about this. As far as "not butting in", when I'm married, that shouldn't feel like I'm butting in if I want the communication to stay open regarding the most important people in our lives- "our kids"!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • my situation is the opposite of yours, all of our kids live here except for school breaks, mine go to their dad's and my SO's son goes to his mom's house. My SO expects me to be comfortable with co-parenting on my part and his, but I don't feel comfortable with it because i'm not his kids mom, and he's not my kids' dad, there are some areas that i think are left up to the mother and father, if that makes sense. i don't think your marriage is in trouble, you just need to find a comfortable medium that you can both agree on.

    Answer by kyuteangl88 at 2:56 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

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