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does this sound mean?

My daughter, who will be 3 in May, is learning to go potty in the middle of the night. She has been day pt for a long time but has just started occasionally waking to pee. Of course we want to encourage this. The problem is that she has JUST gotten over a major bout of night waking and fighting sleep. The ONLY thing that really worked to get her to have some better quality sleep was to cut her off from being able to make middle-0f-night requests. So if she has misplaced her lovie, she has to find it herself (or grab one of the other 10 animals she sleeps with). If she needs a drink, there is water on her dresser. And, we've said, if she needs to potty, she knows the way... She's actually learned to do it! But a friend of mine said it was "mean" to not come help her or tuck her back into bed. She can tell us goodnight from the hallway before going back to bed. Obviously if she's sick or has a nightmare, we'll respond. Mean?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Feb. 28, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (12)
  • I don't think it's mean, but maybe try and see how she responds if you DO tuck her back in. I don't think it's missing out on bonding time or anything, afterall, it is the middle of the night. But she might feel safer that way? Idk. As long as you have the water set where she needs it and as long as she knows where to go, what to do, I think it's ok.

    Answer by jmpeskie at 4:39 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • lol, does the other person have a toddler??

    i think as long as u do it in a calm mannor, its perfectly fine. my 4 yr old went thru the same thing. take away all the excuses, and they go back to sleep. dont let what other ppl say bother you as long as u are comfortable with your parenting style and it works.

    Answer by Phippsandrea at 4:41 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I'm not saying don't tuck her in, but when does it stop....when she'...10?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I agree that what your doing is not age appropriate but it is mean only if that is your intent. 3 is still too young to do everything for herself, and potty training is a difficult thing and it needs your full supervision and support. 3 is too young to expect her to be 100% clean after going, and if she isn't she can get UTIs etc. I would say until she is night trained completely and is about 4.5 you should be helping her, she will do it on her own when she is 100% ready but making her do it isn't fair. If you are awake and hear her doing it anyway why not just help her and put her back to bed.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 4:42 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • i think you're doing the right thing (from what you write) teaching her how to be a little bit self-reliant is great. so many parents won't do this for fear their child won't need them anymore. BLAH! i think it would be wrong to keep the kid in diapers when she's totally ready to be trained and can handle what you are doing here. it's not like she's going to the kitchen and frying her own eggs for breakfast, she's simply learning to pee on her own and it sounds like she can handle it. i'm glad there are parents that can "trust" their kids enough to let them figure out little things on their own.

    Answer by angevil53 at 4:45 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I don't think it's mean. Saying it's mean is so judgmental! I don't discuss too much of my parenting choices because everyone has to chime in. We are doing what we feel is best for our family. Period.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • Not mean at all!! I think its great that at that age she can be so self reliant!!! Kids are so dependent on their parents now a days because they dont know how to cut the cord!! I think you are doing a great thing! Its not like you are seperating her off from you completely or telling her she is not allowed at all to ever come ask you for anything!

    Answer by Amanduhpanda at 5:09 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • Not mean. My 3rd child is almost 5, and on the occasion she wakes up to go potty in the night, she'll come in our room, go all the way around the bed, and to daddy - if we don't "catch" her before that point - but it's been long enough that either way, whether she gets to daddy or barely in the room, that he says "go potty (name)" and she turns around and goes. She knows how, half the time she does just go on her own - she's learning. My 4th is almost 3 and pretty much day trained - we're not pushing nights yet but when the time comes, for the first little while yes we'll get up and help him, but after a little while we'll help less and less til he's going on his own. If you coddle them along, you'll have to coddle them through other things in life. If you make them learn to help themselves with basic things like that, you'll help them later in life with other things, they'll be a stronger person. Keep up what works for you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • No, I don't think its mean.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 7:40 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • OP -- to answer 1 question -- what would happen if we did tuck her back in (we know because we tried): she WON'T let us back out of the room without a huge fight. She wants the whole bedtime routine again (we talk about our day, sing songs, kisses and hugs)... she wants her blankets arranged a certain way (when we were helping with blanket-positioning and/or stuffed-animal retrieval she had a million and one excuses to call us back in to her room)... this was the whole problem with her fighting sleep/ night waking. She had realized she could always come up with one more excuse to stay up, wake up, etc. We tried every subtle, soothing way to make her feel better without our presence and attention, but everything we did made it worse. We finally had to cut her off -- ALL the way off. That's all that worked. Also, she pees on her own all day long and wipes herself. If she pooped we would wipe. We're awake when she is in there).

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

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