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im going thru a really nasty divorce and my kids unfortunatly are involed.. my ex husband refuses to be civial to me since he got with his new woman.. i dnt kno if heis ust mad because i refuse to live in hell like i have for the last 7 years or what his deal is.. nut its effecting our kids and that makes me reall sad.. what can i do to make my life and my kids' life little bit easier dealing with this retard..

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Indiana_momof2

Asked by Indiana_momof2 at 5:30 PM on Feb. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • I'd need an example of his bad behavior to give better advice but with what I have to go on tell him to contact his attorney who will contact your attorney and in turn your attorney will contact you. There is no reason for direct contact.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:32 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • First and for most DO NOT talk bad about him in front of your kids. EVEN if he talks bad about YOU in front of the kids...DON'T. It will look bad on you in court and it's only going to psychologically scare your children more than this nasty divorce will already. Children need to make up their own minds about how they feel about each parent and the divorce.

    I would HIGHLY recommend some family counsling. The counseler with probably see each child invidually, see you indivually, see you and the children together, and possible invite dad to join one of the couseling sessions. It can be a great help to all of you.


    Make a written agreement with your DH about how you both will behave around the children, what his "new women's" role will be in the children's lives, and how you will handle things with the children until there is a court agreement.

    Good luck to you and the children. I hope everything works out for you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:12 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • How many men are going to go to counseling and make written agreements unless they are forced to by a judge? If he was the kind that would do that then it wouldn't be a difficult divorce.

    Stay away from each other. Don't talk to each other. If there is someone that can handle visitation exchanges like a grandparent, do that so you don't have to be around him. If you aren't around each other that will decrease the drama.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 6:34 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • You establish boundaries and stick with them. Communicate only through email (for documentation purposes) and if he writes something that really pisses you off...do not respond immediately. Wait and give a brief, business-like response.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • 1.) Go to school and learn how to make a sentence and get yourself a degree. You can recieve a pell grant that will pay for all of your schooling if you are able to have family help you while you are in school.

    2.) NEVER talk badly about your ex in front of your children. I am divorced and I NEVER talk badly about my ex husband and it is obvious that he is a very happy boy. My parent did not practice this and 10 years after their divorce, us kids are still stuck in the drama of their failed marriage. All it does is hurt the kids so realize that your actions and words affect more than just you.

    3.) If the drama is effecting yourself AND your children then you are doing something wrong. The drama of the divorce should stay between you and your ex. If you run your house as you should and don't talk badly of him, don't argue with him in front of the kids, then all should go well. E-mail if you cannot talk in person.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I am anon :18, and I want to let you know that my marriage was horrid and my divorce was even worse, but if you stick to these rules then you can have peace in your home. You just have to be firm and he starts arguing then turn your back and walk away. If he starts yelling on the phone then hang up. I know that might sound immature, but when he calls back, calmy explain to him that you will listen to what he has to say if he is calm. Then tell him that if he starts getting nasty or yelling then you'll have no choice but to hang up until you are both calm enough to actually get something from the conversation other than drama. Worked like a charm and you're able to stay in control and avoid drama. If he tries to do something to upset you, then act as if it doesn't (even if you end up crying in your room for an hour), you have to stay strong and let him know that he isn't getting to you. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I agree with the idea of not speaking badly about your husband and his new girlfriend in front of the kids, and especially referring to him as a "retard". As the mother of a special needs child, I find the use of that word in that context very insulting! Maturity needs to be used in this situation, and insulting remarks just aren't necessary. Be the bigger person and let your kids see you as a good role model. Good luck.
    Robsmommy

    Answer by Robsmommy at 12:37 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • ok thank you all for your advice. robsmommy in order to understand exactly how i meant the word retard you would have to understand how my ex is he is ignorant and he thnks that he knows everything.. now i do not tlk about my ex in front of my kids.. period.. im child of divorced parents and my parents couldnt look at each other without wanting to kill each other so yes i know how that is tramatic n harmful to kids to have to be around... my ex husband and his new gf are completely worthless idiots.. ou would have to jus know them... so ill give you a brief.. he has no job wont look for a job and will not keep a job and thats been like that for the last 7 years that i was married to him.. i have unfortunatly had to be the only one to support my 2 children.. my ex ill call him.... peter k... peter has told me xseveral times that "hes tryin to do this so i need to help" now this man has no job and actually to be honest no
    Indiana_momof2

    Answer by Indiana_momof2 at 1:35 AM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • actuall place of residance.. he lives with his gf and her 2 kids but the thing is she lives in government housing and hes not allowed to b there he cant get on the lease he cant pass the background check.. so if my kids are there and her landlord finds out what in the hell is gonna happen ith my kids while he has them in his care? thats why i used the word retarded the way i did.. n hunny my brother is mentally handicap so its not like im usin it as a slap in the face to those who r that way its not their fault.. it is peters fault tho.. i have tried to b civial to him n the only time i ever get ahold of him is about my kids and i dnt get ahold of him unless its life and death.. he will contact me and start a fight over the little stupid shit he thinks is funny to start a fight over.. peter has put his hands on me more than once IN FRONT OF MY KIDS!!! and the last time was after i told him he needed to copme and get his stuff
    Indiana_momof2

    Answer by Indiana_momof2 at 1:41 AM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • cuz i got tired of him only comin down when i went to work ONLY BECAUSE i got tired of my things coming up missing.. peter has recently went to jail for shoplifting at a walmart for a stupid knife and a ring for his gf.. thank god my kids were not with him at this moment cuz i would have killed him.. when my kids come home from visitation all i hear in the letters he n his gf write me is how awful my kids were to her kids and that shes tired of it tired of hearin my kids crying n that they are jus sick of it.. but yet when they come home i have NO problems with them... period they fight but theyre siblings and they are boys thats just expected.. but my kids never wanna leave me.. i keep everything of how i feel n what i wanna say to when theyare not around they do not need to hear it.. he on the other hand doesnt.. my fiancee doesnt even have a problem with my kids when i am at work.. so where does the prob lie?
    Indiana_momof2

    Answer by Indiana_momof2 at 1:46 AM on Mar. 4, 2010

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