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What to do when your DH wants to leech of PA forever?

If your husband was completely unmotivated to get off welfare and enjoyed living in poverty with you and the kids just so your family could keep food stamps and medicaid, what would you do? Keep in mind that he's a good man who loves his family and does work hard at his minimum wage job but refuses to discuss you working or him going back to school because he likes getting a link card. I'm gonna pull my hair out because on one hand I love him and he's a good dad to our kids, but on the other hand he doesn't care that we can barely pay bills yet bitches when we have an unexpected expense.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Feb. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Where is your part in all this? PA provides day care assistance so you can work or go to school. Set the example first. Good Luck.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:57 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • if he is working for his kids he is the very people that welfare is for.i have a friend that works his butt of for his 5 kids and still gets foodstamps,but he made bad choices in life thats why he cant get a better job,but i think as long as he works i wouldnt call him a leech.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 11:58 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • Refuses to discuss? What's to discuss? Go apply for daycare assistance and get a job or go to school. Better yourself and your family. If he doesn't like it, then he doesn't love you.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 11:58 PM on Feb. 28, 2010

  • I'd spell it out for him.... if it's a matter of the kids and daycare not being something he's interested in... then you work one shift, he works another (or goes to school). Eventually the kids will get older and PA will get cut off and neither of you've paid anything to speak of in to the system and your retirement benefits or SSI if needed won't be enough to support you. As a daughter, granddaughter and friend of people who've been on SSI and SS, it stinks watching someone you care about having to decide which is more important, groceries, medicines or utilities... He needs to think about those things as young as possible.
    Plus... I'd want my children to not end up like that and unfortunately they learn by example. So be an example and stand your ground and make something of yourself if he's not willing to do it for the family.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:03 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • That's just the thing, he doesn't want me working either. I've tried and he said since I don't have a license, he wouldn't take me because he doesn't want our aid messed up. You have to have a way to and from work to get a job.
    I don't have that. You have to have decent clothes to wear to work, and since we don't have any extra money, I don't have that. I even asked him to go back to school while I worked and he flat out refused saying that they'd cut our stamps if I worked. He wants to LIVE on PA and he passes up chances to get a better job because he's so concerned with the link card.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • It doesn't sound like your husband is a "leech", and shame on you for referring to him in such a demeaning manner! He is probably concerned with making ends meet, and "the link card" assures him that his wife and kids have food on the damn table, clothes on their backs, and a place to live, while he works hard at his minimum-wage job. It's "slim pickin's" out there, as far as good paying jobs are concerned. I don't blame your husband ONE BIT for not wanting to lose the food stamps and medicaid.

    He may be able to find a second part-time job that will bring in enough money to cover what PA is currently giving you all, and maybe he's thinking about it and working on it. Give him a break. And be patient. If you need decent clothes, then go to flea markets or the Salvation Army. You don't have to shop at Macy's for decent clothes. And as long as your essential needs are met, you don't "need" extra money. CONTINUED
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 12:21 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • You obviously have internet access. Sign up to take online surveys. A lot of them pay cash and/or give you gift cards for merchants.
    Fallaya

    Answer by Fallaya at 12:25 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • * Fallaya He has passed up better paying jobs. And I do call him a leech because PA is a hand up, not a hand out, right? Well, he wants us to stay on it for as long as we can. I had a chance at a good paying job and he told me he'd basically sabotage it because he doesn't want our card cut. Mind you, we have to make at least 2,400/month to lose our stamps. Even with me working we'd be well under that. We're not in danger of starving, but we can't use our van right now though cause we don't have the money to fix it. We can't even afford flea markets. Once everything is said and done, we're paying on bills, not paying them off. So yes, it upsets me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Are ya'll all in on some kinda reverse PA post? I'm so confused lol any time there is a PA post women are screaming that the people on PA get off any way possible. So what's going on!?!?
    crazymom21

    Answer by crazymom21 at 1:01 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I could not respect a man who would not consider bettering himself. You can either choose to stay in the lifestyle you are in or you can do something about it. I personally want my children to grow to be self sufficient. Yours are going to think that they do not have to achieve much to be successful.

    FL2AK

    Answer by FL2AK at 1:46 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

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