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My SS wants to move here because his mother is extremely mean but we can't prove she's unfit!

I'm going to make this as short as possible. My SS mother is mean to him. She calls him stupid, she slaps him in the face and in the back of the head. She even picks out his clothes and he's about to turn 9 and has seseme street shoes and she only lets him wear pink shirts. He gets made fun of so bad at school for the way she dresses him. I've taken him shopping and bought him clothes and sent home with him to wear and she threw them away because I wasn't the mother. Granted, it was over 350 dollars worth of clothes. He cries every Sunday when he has to go home and begs us to let him stay with us. I've told our lawyer the things she's done. She's also beat him in the parking lot which I video taped and it couldn't be used in court. His self esteem is gone and he's started getting withdrawn. I'm scared for him. What can I do? I can't prove her unfit no matter what we've tried and my SS is going downhill so fast!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:07 AM on Mar. 1, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (12)
  • Did you call CPS so they can investigate? It would help build a case against her.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:11 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I'm sorry that this is going on with your SS. Keep talking to your lawyer and see if you can't set up a time that your SS can talk to him and let him tell the lawyer what is going on. I have a SS and he lives with us but it only happened though because his bio mother's family came into court and told the judge that his father was the better parent and told them what she was doing. It wasn't easy but now he lives with us full time and she doesn't have anything to do with him now. All you can do is talk to the lawyer and do what he/she suggests and see if you can't get anybody to testify about how she treats him. GOOD LUCK.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 9:14 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I agree with admckenzie. Get them invovled they weill investigate it and they will speak with you SS,and if he tells them what he tells you then I'm pretty sure they will give y'all temporary custody. I'm so sorry that your SS has to deal with this,he shouldn't have.
    FTBALLMOF2BOYS

    Answer by FTBALLMOF2BOYS at 9:16 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I agree with all the pp. My heart is breaking for your ss!!! TELL HIM TO TALK TO HIS TEACHERS, HIS PRINCIPAL, EVERYONE IN AUTHORITY AT SCHOOL! Tell him to tell them that he is scared to go home to his mother. BY LAW they HAVE to do something about it! Your ss is in my prayers, for real!!! *hugs* to you for being such a loving SM.
    Ann_Ony_Mouse

    Answer by Ann_Ony_Mouse at 9:32 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I did contact CPS and they said they would investigate but nothing ever came about it. I was basically told that until she puts bruises on him that I can't prove anything. My heart and my husbands hearts are broken over this because we feel like there is nothing that we can do. I did tell him to tell his teacher about what goes on and he said he was scared that if his mom found out, that he'd get into trouble.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Take him to a psychologist to talk. If there are serious problems, a psychologist should be able to at least help him deal with it and could testify for you in court if you take it that far. You may not prove she's unfit, but you could at least get more liberal visitation or possibly even a custody change where you have custody and she has visitation.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:18 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I hate when things like this happens bc the child is the one who suffers I mean she is his mother right now he is 9 soon he will be a teenager before our eyes he will still love his mother no matter what she is or has done to him. The only thing I can say is wait til he turns 12 then he can decide for sure where he wants to live. About the things you buy him don't let him take it with him she will only get rid of them bc she wants to be in control, that was very wrong of her to do that. Just do your best to make him happy while he is with you I mean don't try to be the mother be yourself and soon everything will fall into place just be patient. Sometimes there are things in life that is out of our hands so do your best and pray about it too. Tell the boy everything will be alright and to be good around his mom so she won't have to hit him. GL
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:37 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • This is a job for his dad to handle and for you to be supportive to your spouse and step son. Do not speak badly of his mother or the courts will see it as you egging it on and creating drama. Ask the school to document and record the teasing over clothes and any marks they see. Your husband is entitled to this information. This will serve as a record for the family court. He needs to stress this is not to start drama, to the school, but to document that he wants his son in age appropriate attire that will allow his son to fit in and not to disrupt his classmates from their work as well. Then he can call CPS and a lawyer. CPS has a hard job...no marks they can't go on just your word against hers. Personally, if this were my child - I wouldn't give him back. Don't care what a divorce decree says. She would have to take me back to court but I would already start the court proceedings while I have my child.

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:26 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • In my area law enforcement would not get involved because it is for the courts to decide and they most likely would not remove him from care. If I really thought my child is being abused I also would change his schools and seek an emergency family court order for my child to not have any contact with the abusive parent. Basically - if my child was being abused then I don't care how much money a lawyer and court fees are - I'm going to fight like hell to not have my child remain in an abusive environment.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:28 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • This is sad to say but i have 2 step son's right now going through the same ordeal, first things first the father can always go to the court house and get emergency child custody a parent always has the right to defend there child, Secondly he is old enough to be heard from a judge if your SS doesn't want to go home and is begging you then record it, Call Child Protection Services also and the Local police, Have your SS make a statement to a police officer so that it is on record of the abuse, Another huge one.Get a very aggressive Lawyer one that believes that child should be protected. I also want to send out my love because i have been married to my husband for 4 yrs and have been dealing with his ex wife and her physical and mental abuse, and her abuse towards me and I know what it is like to love a child that is not yours legally but in your heart he is yours but the only one who can truly do anything for him legal is dad
    Mom4life1015

    Answer by Mom4life1015 at 12:36 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

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