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Teenager 14 1/2 and sexual exploring.....

My daughter left her facebook on the other night and I read her chat with her boyfrriend. She is 14 and he is 15. Her father allowed her to have her boyfriend over during the weekend and sometime during this visit she "went to third" with him...he was asking about "size" and if she was ok with the whole thing. I don't know if I should let her know what I know or even how to approach this issue. She is the first child of mine to hit the teens. I know teens experiment with this stuff but I think 14 is a little bit too young for this. I am nervous it will lead to other things at another time. Need advice from other mom's with teen girls. Thanks!!

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nrsebecky36

Asked by nrsebecky36 at 10:26 AM on Mar. 1, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (13)
  • Have you had the sex talk with her?
    armywife2009101

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 10:31 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • 1st. I'd have a chat with her dad about keeping a better eye on her visits with her bf. I would also have the sex talk and safety talk with her (condoms) put her on bc and trust her. I lost my virginity at 13, and I didnt think I was too young, my dfs niece lost hers at 9 and that is wayyy to young. oh and I'm totally against eavesdropping on your childrens conversations, so I would tell her that you stumbled upon it. GL.
    SabrenaLeigh

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 10:39 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • i would totally hit this head on. not confrontational or accusing. just HEY we need to TALK ABOUT THIS! and sit and have a frank talk about it all. specailly about how pregnancy can be the BIG RESULT of a moment of err passion. etc etc. if you get the feeling she is dead set on this path, get her in for birth control and condoms momma
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 10:39 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Start talking to her about sex tonight and respect and it is normal to want to see but don't and tell her the reasons why she should wait, like getting pregnant and her future with this guy.
    She will ask why now are you talking about sex, just tell her I know how it feels to have a Boyfriend and how boys want to do more or maybe she may want more.
    Just tell her you just know they are moving to fast and you would it to stop, for her sake.

    Try not to leave them alone any time

    Maybe she should watch 16 and pregnant? She can see how boys act when the girls get pregnant, they are not nice.
    Watch it together.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:48 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Do not put her on birth control and condoms teach how to respect herself and control. You have to talk to her about how she will feel if things are getting to close.
    Putting her on BC before she is mature she will sleep around because she will think you are telling her it is okay. You have to tell her that they are bigger problems than just getting pregnant. Like losing herself, she need to think about her future and what she wants.
    Kids on BC will use it the right way and get pregnant anyway.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 10:57 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • yes...many times and she has assured me that she wasn't ever going to have sex (her step mother became pregnant at 15 and has had the "talk" with her also. I know teens experiment...I just don't know how to let her know I know...l don't want to embarrass her but I also need to let her know the consiquences of these types of actions at such a young age. Ugh!!
    nrsebecky36

    Answer by nrsebecky36 at 10:57 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • You can do it go for it........... We older moms have been there and it does suck. Good Luck
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:01 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • P.S. We have a fantastic mother/daughter relationship...I have talked to her about sex any occasion I have been able to. She is in 9th grade, very pretty and getting alot of attention. She is an honor roll student and if she had been at my house this would not have happened as she would have had to be where I could see them....I think her dad, like myself, was thinking that she wouldn't do anything like this yet. I am very shocked because we have talked about this stuff soooo much. Hormones...damn hormones!
    nrsebecky36

    Answer by nrsebecky36 at 11:02 AM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Mom, talk to her some more, but do not for a minute think that if she wants it to happen it won't because she is a good girl. Good girls do this all the time, you are right it is the damn hormones. Just tell her you don't think she is emotionally ready for sex yet and that it would be wise to wait until she is. It is very normal these days for girls this young to even consider this, specially with a boyfriend. Emphasize that her first time should be an experience to remember her whole life and not to let peer pressure play a part in it.
    older

    Answer by older at 1:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Thank you Older and all the rest for some great advice. I am going to talk to her again. i don't like to spy on my daughter but it was right in front of me...now I'm wishing I didn't know! LOL...but not so funny! I don't want her to think I am spying on her so I am gently going to bring it up and not tell her how I know. I started dating her dad at 14 1/2 we were together for 20 years so it's hard to say to her that this relationship won't last etc....but I had her at 23, I was very responsible and was put on birth control at 16 by my father of all people. No birth control yet...but just a good long talk and a finger cross that she listens to me! Thanks again for all the great advice. I knew I could count on the women on this site for some help with this one! :)
    nrsebecky36

    Answer by nrsebecky36 at 2:20 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

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