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are my fears valid

my ex and i split when i was 11 weeks pregnant(he wasn't ready to be a father) he only made it two of my appts. he didnt make it for the birth he never wanted to feel the baby kicking and now only makes it to see our 2 year old son 2 maybe 3 times a month. he has even made comments on how his first priority is to his wife(they have been married for 18months and i actually get along with her better than i do with him) she just let it slip that they could be expecting and while i'm excited for them (mostly her i think she would make a good mom) i'm worried that when they have a child my son will be pushed even further to the back ground that my ex will love this baby more because its hers and that thier child would have a better bond than him and my son that he will forget about our son am i crazy to feel this way? has anyone else felt this way? if so how did it work out for you?


Asked by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Mar. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • make sure that the father knows that he HAS to be there for the child... every other weekend or something cuz if he's not consistantly in the child's life, it'll affect the child badly. let him know that if he flakes on X- amount of visits (i say 3) without a reasonable cause (like he's in the hospital vs he just doesnt want to do it), then he'll have to go through the courts in order to get any future visitations.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 1:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Don't put so much time and effort into whether or not your son will be in his life. If the dad doesn't get that your son is just as much his as the new baby will be, then he doesn't deserve him. Raise him to be an independant, confidant man and he will do great things. Good luck!

    Answer by jenree33 at 12:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I don't think you're crazy. I'd feel the same way. But seeing his son 2 or 3 times a month is pretty typical for a non-custodial father. I don't understand that whole thing, because I would be heartbroken if I couldn't be with my kids.

    Answer by winkie_pinkie at 12:22 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • He's making more of an effort than a lot of fathers do... and it's awesome that you get along well with his wife, it makes it so much easier when the "two moms" can work together and get along and there's less hostility. My guess is she loves your child too and won't let him push him to the side even if he tries but I think your feelings are normal but naturally he'll be around the child he lives with more.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 1:02 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Good job on getting along with the new wife! I can not tell you how good that is. That was my big, huge enourmous mistake. I mean huge! I can honestly tell you that I ruined my relationship with my son's father. I wish I could take it back and I've been trying even though it's harder now that I've moved. I was such an irresponsible, stupid and immature brat and jealous I'll admit that I wanted my ex to pay so much more attention to us instead of my son that I ruined everything. My son's SM was so good to him. My son was close to her and my ex was very intrested in my son, just not in me. He hated me. I was the classice phyco ex. They got married, and when they got pregnant, I got jealous. I was kept my son from them and they got pissed and I started my shit and they weren't having it. So keep a good relationship. In my case, they haven't see my son in over two months.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Mar. 1, 2010