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being a single mom =(

im 22 years old & i have a 9 month old son. i really loved my SO, i thought he was my soulmate & i had my hopes up so high, & it ended in him treating me really bad & hurting me & now i know i cant be with him anymore but i feel so depressed, so lonley, i feel so sad without him, i wonder if he really is my soulmate & im making a mistake - i think that no one else is going to want to be with me now that i have a big csection scar, & saggy boobs, & a baby. i dont know how ill ever meet someone new, & if i do, will i ever love someone like i did my ex. & will i ever get over him as i sit home day after day taking care of the baby i had with him? im just feeling really depressed & i need some advice.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Mar. 1, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • (((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) If there weren't men out there who can love a woman with a post-baby body, there wouldn't be stepfamilies at all. I was devestated when my exhusband and I split when I was pregnant with my oldest, and I was worried I'd never find anyone else and that I'd never love anyone like I loved him. I've been happily married to my best friend and love of my life for 2 1/2 years now. We are happier than I ever thought possible. Don't despair. Life still has good things in store for you. Don't start looking for a man, take this time to work on you and finding your own happiness as a complete person in and of yourself. Once you are happy just being you, real love will follow. Hang in there mama. Being a single parent is not easy, but it can be very fulfilling and does have it's good points. You can raise your kid how you see fit without having to compromise on discipline, etc.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:39 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Just concentrate on your baby and yourself for a while. You will find love eventually, but it shouldn't be at the top of your list at the moment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • You are 22 and you're talking like your life is over! You are young, your body will bounce back and your csection scar will lighten. You have years to meet someone new - you don't need to find him tomorrow. Spend some time with your little one, give yourself time to get over your ex, when you're ready, get involved. Take some classes, volunteer, meet some new people at work, etc. The right guy will come along when you least expect it. Take it slow with him, get to know him well before you introduce him to your little one (it's different dating with a child, you you have to remember that they come first, guy comes second!). But even without a man - learn to enjoy yourself, your baby and your life!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 12:39 PM on Mar. 1, 2010


  • I pray you take this advice from an older woman. I have been where you are. At 22, you are so young, it only looks like you will never find another man to love or who will love you. Let me tell you about this soul mate thing. It is thrown around too loosly. I am almost 40 and have just met the man I would call my soulmate. After so many times of thinking "this was the one" and getting disappointed over and over again. I have come to understand what real love is because I see it in my now husband. He absolutely loves my body and I KNOW it ain't all that. He thinks I am the most beautiful woman on earth and treats me like gold, my point is it took so much heart ache to find him, so many tears, so much heartache, so many time asking God why? what is wrong with me. You will love again but your main priority is to be a strong mentaily healthy mother for your baby. He does not sound like he is worth your tears.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I used to feel that way about my ex husband. He hurt me very badly (emotionally) and I always feared that I would make the mistake of moving on and then he would figure out his mistakes and want me back. That thought gripped my heart for 7 LONELY and long years before I finally had the strength to turn the other way and move on with my life. And I am so happy that I did because I love the man I am with now so much deeper and he loves me that much too. He gives as much as I give him and I know in my heart I never would have been this happy if I had stayed married to my exhusband.
    Time truly does heal...just don't wait as long as I did. Create a life for you and your baby. Do things that make YOU happy...take up a hobby, take a class, go to baby classes with the baby and meet other single moms. Its not the end of your world...your new and better world is just waiting! Good Luck!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • cont'd (make your baby your first and most important priority. I cannot tell you not to be lonely, because it is natural but I can tell you not to sit around brooding over a man, I tried so hard to find a man who would love me and be a father for my son and all I got was used and abused and wound up being a single mother to him anyway. It was not until I realized I deserved better and did not need a man that my life got better. I am sorry I wrote such a long reply. It is just that I know exacally how you feel because I was there for a long time in my life. I would like to be your friend. Send me a request and we can talk.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 12:47 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • My husband and I split up when I was pregnant with my 3rd and I was/am a single mother.

    Right now concentrate on being a mother. That is a big enough job. Don't worry about men. There is no such thing as a soulmate. If there is such a thing then you can have more than one. Don't waste time thinking about your baby's father.

    I decided not to date and focus on being a mom. It wasn't that I was fat and ugly. I was hot. I'm glad I made that decision and it was right for me. I haven't dated in 21 years.

    Don't worry about other men not wanting you. Your scar will fade. Men actually aren't all that picky. Lots of men want women with kids. I have a 21 yo son that would date a woman with a baby and a c-section scar. A man should care more about your personality.

    Find something to do. Go back to school. Start a hobby. Go to a mom's group. Do something fun with your baby.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 12:48 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I'm 23, I have a 4 year old, a big, nasty csection scar because I tore it open. My boobs are no where near they way they used to be. It is depressing, I totally understand where your coming from. It took me 4 damn years to realize that the only one who mattered was my daughter. You are only as attractive and good as you think you are. If you think your horrible, then you are making yourself that way. Who cares what everyone else thinks?? Be a strong woman for you and your child...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

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