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How should I approch this?

--Last weekend we took our 20month old Daughter to my Parents house for the weekend, we live an hour & half away. My Mom is a Diabetic & has been Hospitalized 3 times in the ICU since Nov for Diabetic Shock. My mom had been doing good for the past month and I thought she had her sugar under control. But, I was wrong! The next day I called to see how my Daughter and Parents are doing. But, I find out my Dad is taking my Mom to the Doctor. I told my Dad, I would come & get my Daughter. He said, to just wait and see what the doctor says. So, I waited & I tried calling everybody I know to see if they had heard anything.

My parents don't have a cell phone... We were left in the dark with what was going on. Come to find out my Mom had went into Diabetic Shock yet again, because she hadn't ate that morning. Nobody called to update us until 5pm, my own DAD didn't know my house or cell #. Because, my Mom does everything for him. ---

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marcnsarah

Asked by marcnsarah at 1:38 PM on Mar. 1, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 3 (17 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I'm sorry, I understand the background but not the question. Are you upset about the lack of contact, no numbers, no cell, your DD's safety or your mothers health..
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:43 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • If he didn't have a phone for you and this was an emergency you can't blame him.

    Now take steps and give him a card, more than one card, in his wallet with your telephone numbers on it and others too who can help to reach you.

    I'd visit more often but not leave lo overnight anymore.

    Prayers for your mom and dad too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Yep, sad I know!!! He can do plenty for himself, but he chooses not to and my mom allows it. So, nobody called us until 5pm to let us know what was going on. My Mom had been in the ER for 5 hours and my Dad & Daughter was in the ER waiting room also. My Dad was taking care of my Daughter.... BUT he hadn't changed her Diaper and all he fed her was cheeses, he wouldn't take her to the cafeteria just down the hall and I don't know why. I guess he was scared for my Mom. But, the fact was... I don't know how to approach telling them they can't keep her for awhile.
    marcnsarah

    Answer by marcnsarah at 1:50 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Sorry, I didn't finish typing the question because I was fixing my Daughters Lunch!

    By the way... Yes, I do blame him for NOT knowing my #, not the fact he doesn't have a cell phone. He should at least know what my # is so he can call me!!! Come on....
    marcnsarah

    Answer by marcnsarah at 1:52 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • K, now I can help. IF the topic comes up again, just let them know that you will be happy to bring her over etc, but that they both should focus on getting "your mom" well before she stays over night alone again. You don't have to tell them straight out.. You just put the focus on your mom and her getting better. If they ask point blank, I would just let them know due to your moms unstable blood sugars and the number of times she has went in to DKA which is what it is called by the way, that you feel taking care of your DD would be too stressful etc at this time.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 1:55 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • midnightmom - Thanks! It was just so stressful for me and when I think about it I get stressed. I usually don't get stressed often unless it is something serious. It's just I hate that my Mom doesn't take better care of herself and my Dad he does nothing to help. He doesn't help around the House, my Mom waits on him hand & foot. It's so bad that when my dad wants to calls somebody that my Mom dials the # for him or calls for him, because he doesn't know anybodys #. Even though all the #'s are on the phone, I just wish he would do more for himself and help her.
    marcnsarah

    Answer by marcnsarah at 2:35 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I think you need to talk to them openly and honesty, regardless of how you think it might come accross, the fact is he didn't feed your child or change her or call you - 3 HUGE no no's for any parent/grandparent. The fact that your mom isn't taking care of her diabete's and your father can't take care of anyone but himself is well good enough reason to tell them she can't be with them until more things have changed
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 2:48 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • The sad part is, your dad can not change if your mom is willing to care for him the way she does, sick or not. He is a grown man and it is time he acts like one. Alot of older men do act this way because the "women" did care for them hand and foot. You can have a heart to heart with your dad and tell him it is time he took charge of his own life and give the examples. Also let him know his wife needs him more than ever now to get better and stay better. They both should talk to the Dr or nurse at hospital to come up with ways to avoid her DKA. They both need to understand that this is serious and he could lose her over this(sorry). Some of the older people really think it is just a sugar problem and it goes so much deeper than that. I really wish you the best.. Sometimes tho, there is nothing we can do once we bring everything to light... HUGS
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 3:21 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I would say you either need to give your dad a little pay-per-phone with your number programed in it.

    Or, like the others said, just don't ask them to babysit. Still visit a lot and make sure they see their grandkid, just don't have them babysit.
    mogencreative

    Answer by mogencreative at 4:34 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • Thanks everybody!!!
    marcnsarah

    Answer by marcnsarah at 5:18 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

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