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me and my husband have been kinda fighting alot lately, we seem to get on each others nerves all the time, i still love him and i know he loves me, he buys me stuff, and is good to me, but sometimes i dont feel it. i feel kind of lost, like im not happy and im pretending to be and it seems it is makeing things worse. do u think a little break away from each other would be good, i feel like that way we can figure out what we really want, am i selfish for wanting this? please ladies i dont know what to do i dont want to hurt him anymore, but i confussed

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Mar. 1, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • All marriages hit a rough patch at some point. A "break" will make things worse for most couples. Why not take a "break" together? Even just a weekend in a downtown hotel while your mom keeps the kids. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have special time together. Most "out of love" feelings are because no one is working on the marriage.
    ecodani

    Answer by ecodani at 8:31 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • when my husband and I fight a lot , we both pull away from each other and feel very distant from one another. If i'm feeling distant, I always make it a point to ask him if he does. He says yes of course and we talk about it....the best thing there is, is communication. It takes a while for us to get back into the groove. One of the most important things is to go out and have time to yourself....not just alone by yourself, but with your husband without any kids if you have any. Don't talk about kids, work or money....just be with him.
    If you haven't been having sex....have some SEX! I know it gives us back a little connection and mellows moods out.
    Be sure to let your husband know how your feeling, and make it a point to ask him how he's feeling as well.
    It's normal to feel this way. Pick your fights, because not all fights we pick as women and sometimes men, aren't worth the fight...if you look back at it....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • there has been a rough patch for along time, now, yes i tell him how i feel, and sometimes, i think i start to see some kind of differnce and then it goes all back to normal, i really dont know what i want anymore, i love him, but i hate to say it sometimes im not in love with him anymore, he is a good man, and feeling like this makes me feel bad
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • all I can say is marriage is work...as i'm sure you know....and love is work too....it truly is a choice to love someone. remember...love isn't all sparkles and fairy dust...it is sacrafice for one another. So, if you want it to work, regaurdless of how you fee right now, and how you have been feeling....then start to work for your husband, and I bet he will reciprocate the effort and the work (the love) you are giving to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I think breaks are great. It's what makes it all work for me. It keeps it fresh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • bump
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:58 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I think a break is the worst thing you can do. I would put more effort into making us happy. I'm about to check out the book called The Love Dare...many people recommend it. Maybe you should too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • i can definately relate to you. me and my hubby have had a hard time since i had my son like 4 yrs ago. nothing has ever been the same. we have drifted apart alot over the years. yes we have our good days and then we have the bad days. you just have to really think if you can see youself without him. or like ecodani said, take some time with each other. your never going to have a perfect marriage. if you dont think you shouldnt be with him anymore than leave. thats just what you need to consider!
    ILovemyson1020

    Answer by ILovemyson1020 at 9:49 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • I think this is normal in any long term relationship. Does he cheat on you? Does he have drug and alcohol dependence? Does he refuse to work? Does he have unfair expectations of you? Does he have a financial and or gambling problem? Does he withhold sex? Does he verbally and or emotionally abuse you? If you can answer "no" to all these questions, then you really don't have all that much trouble other than disagreements. I have no problem with taking a break if you feel that will strengthen your relationship. You need to evaluate your marriage and if you feel as if you are getting out of it what you need. Maybe make a list of things you appreciate and love about your huband would help
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 9:49 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

  • A break from each other rarely makes things better. Marriage is work and alot about compromise. Maybe neither one of you has been compromising much lately. Take a vacation or weekend with each other. Or get a sitter and do dinner and a movie if you can't leave the kids for the weekend. If you are Christians, read 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. Read it together. It is a description of what love is, compare to how you both have been behaving lately.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 10:27 PM on Mar. 1, 2010

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