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My SO and I just had the same fight for the 50th time and I seriously think I am done...

It starts because he gets home super late.. I just want him here more.. I say "I wish you'd been home earlier" - today it was our son's 1st birthday and I really wanted him here and he says as usual that someone has to make money.. then it always comes down to he didn't want a family.

I just want him here more. I say "go to work earlier, come home earlier" (at his job the hours are not set in stone.. he leaves around 9:30 and gets home at 8:30 most nights) he says he doesn't want to.. then elaborates that he doesn't want to be here with us.

He's great with his son for a few -- but he loses interest after like 15 minutes and then starts doing something else and ignoring him.

Anyway, he's making himself miserable and dragging me down with him.

I just want us to be a happy family. He just wants me to be the parent and him to come home after our son goes to bed.

I wish I could leave... but to where???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Mar. 2, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I'm so sorry you are in a situation with a father who doesn't want to parent. That must be so heartbreaking for you and unfortunately is seems common. You cannot force him to see the beautiful little person you see in your son, and it will be fruitless and draining for you to keep trying. You can't force love. I don't know your situation to know to where you could go, but if you see this relationship going downhill and don't know where to go, consider trying to find at least some part-time income for yourself to put away for a rainy day. I know that is sometimes easier said than done, maybe making something and selling it online or doing thrift shop to ebay sales. Good luck.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 12:45 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I am also sorry that you are going through this situation. I know it is hard when you want someone to step up to the plate and be involved and they aren't. That is how my own father was when I was a child. I resented it for a long time and then in my adult years I came to this realization. Certain people just only are capable of so much. They only have so much to give and even though it isn't right, it's just the way it is and you have to accept it. When I left my ex financial concerns were big. I ended up being able to support myself through a full time job but I almost had to move back home to my parents. Do you have a support system that can help you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:00 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • If I were in your shoes...honestly the very first thing that comes to mind is I'd be praying praying praying. I don't know if thats you, if you are a Christian or not but that would be my solution. I've seen God change men like this into great husbands and fathers. If your'e not into praying I didn't mean to offend you at all...but if you are, there is your solution.

    PS...I never even tell women that on CM because I know everyone has different beliefs but something about your situation just said "pray" to me.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:04 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • then elaborates that he doesn't want to be here with us.

    I didn't read past this because it would be enough for me to realize that this man is not worth it. What kind of person says that to his SO and mother of his child?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:39 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • He has made it perfectly clear he DOESN"T want you. Time to leave. Go to a shelter if there's absolutely nowhere else for you to go. In fact, they can help you with getting child support lined up. He's NEVER going to change. He's made that abundantly clear.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:19 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • If he has told you flat out that he doesn't want you then what is left? He doesn't come home because he doesn't want to be there. Unless something snaps in his head and he has a change of heart there is nothing you can do. Time to make a life for yourself and your son without him.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 9:32 AM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • Tell him that you are going to leave, if he doesn't try to stop you than you know he doesn't care and you should go, but if he does try to stop you he still loves you and you should do evey thing you can to make your marraige work. If the love is there it isn't hopless

    Answer by Liz132 at 1:57 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

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