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Home work fights

Okay so my DD is 12 and in the 7th grade. She brings hom this school calander that she has to write her assignments in and I am supposed to sign it. saying that I saw she had assignments. Anyway. DD and I have been fighting for the whole year over doing the homework. I told her that I was going to stop fighting with her about it and if she failed and had to repeat 7th grade thenit was her problem. So last mondayI told her to go do the assignments in her note book. She started to fight and whine and so I left it. I mentioned one more time at dinner that they needed to be done or her gades would suffer. she still didn't do it so I signed to folder and said- refused to complete. I didn this mon-fri. I get a note on friday that the teacher wants to speak with me. I went in yesterday and got chastised for not making DD do her work. I told them it was worth the fight and they told me that I was doing her harm allowing...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:36 PM on Mar. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think you should use your intuition. I think letting her see the results of not doing her homework is a good idea, especially if you have tried everything. Yo;u are definitely going to have to think of some way to get her to do her homework. Maybe you could see how a study group would do for her. Just invite one friend over for her to study with, someone who is a good influence. Tell her that you would appreciate her being serious about getting the work done first and then maybe you can do a studdy group once a week.
    3gigglemonsters

    Answer by 3gigglemonsters at 1:29 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • her to skip the work. They implyed that I was a lazy parent and that DD was perfectly capable of doing the work. I agreed that she was capable but willing she was not. I told them that I asked her several times to do the work but that I was not going to put my entire house in turmoil over it. I told them that she was just going to fhave to face the consequences. Why am I getting in trouble for this?It is HER job to do her work right. It is my job to make sure it gets done but to what expense? It was so bad that my younger DD would go hide in her room until the fighting was over. I can't hold her in a chair and force her to do the workTaking things away will not teacher her anything. she will suffer with out whatever it is and not do the work still. I want her to see the results of not doing her homework. I want her to see her grades fall. I want her to have that threat of being held back.She will learn from that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I think this is about WAY more than homework. Maybe she just needs more support from you, maybe she doesn';t know how to do the homework. What kind of mother would honestly want her child to be held back? Maybe she has an undiagnosed learning disability, or?
    Hey don't get me wrong, I am not saying you are a bad mom, but from the way you describe this situation, telling her it's her problem, I wouldn't want to be your child. Would you?
    How about setting up consequences ahead of time, like she isn't allowed to do anything after school untill it is done, no friends or tv? It's not her problem, it's her responsibility, and she is yours. Give her love and support and she will give you cooperation.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:43 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I'm having this problem with my son, although he is a bit younger then your daughter. I have found that most of the time, he just wants me to sit with him while he is doing his work. If it is a big project he is working on, both his dad and I will help him with it and he always gets really good grades on them. We don't DO it for him but just that fact that he gets all that special attention, I think that is what motivates him to work more. (I've also used the if-you-don't-do-your-homework-you'll-get-left-back argument and I don't think that makes a difference at that point.)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • OP:: We haev done all of the consequences stuff. It doesn't matter to her. She has no learning disabilities she is on target for her grade level testing. Has gone form being an A-B student in to a B-C middle of last year. she is just tired of school and doesn't want to do any more when she gets home. She says she doesn't care if she looses t.v because nothing good is on anyway and she doesn't care id I take her phone privileges becaus4e she can just talk to her friends at school. she doesn't care if she can' go out on weekends because she never really goes anywhere anyway. she doesn't care. She hates school. She is lazy and needs to know what happens to lazy people. they don't move ahead.

    As far am me telling her it's her problem now: I don't think you understand. this is not a little girl whining and fussing and then stomping off to do it. This is a child who will flat out refuse to the point of screaming her...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:20 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • head off and stomping her feet and threatening to tear things up if I try to make her do it. It scares her 8 year old sister to tears some days. I take things away and she informs me that she doesn't care. It's worth it to be done with school for the day. I have offered to help her. I have offered to let her only do half of the assignment if she has at least a B in that class. I have offered positive reinforcement... She is just ready to be done when she gets home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • Wow, what a manipulative 12 year old. Her butt needs to sit at the table until she is done with the HW. She can sit there all year. She already knows you are letting her control the situation and that's not good. Take the control back. You are definitely not doing her any favors by trying to compromise with her. Yes, she should totally be responsible and do it, but you should not let her be irresponsible about it.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 10:19 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

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