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Step daughter issues.

My dh has custody, cuz one day when she was 13, her mom literally dropped her off on our doorstep, and moved out of state, never giving a reason, or a way to get ahold of her. When she got back in contact w/sd, sd was miserable at our house b/c she was rebelling, and trying to find out what she could get away with here, which is nothing. She has a lot of issues, just like her mother. Always wanting to run from problems, and never taking accountability. Long story short, love her, but she is making my life hell. She was keeping a journal full of lies to give to CPS, her moms idea to get custody back, but she is 16 and knows that it couldn've made us lose our other children(4). We have done everything we could, counseling galore, etc.
Prob is, I cannot stand being around her anymore. She will be 17 soon, and is moving out as soon as she turns 18, back to mommy. I want her to go back now just as much as she does, (CONT)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Mar. 2, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • what does your hubby say? If it were putting your 4 other children in danger, than it's best for her just to go back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • (CONT) but the issue is , we can't afford the child support. She is a danger in a way to our other children and to us. My dh sadly feels the same way I do. But we literally couldn't afford to pay her mom what she would get, considering we do have other kids and are deeply in debt from lawyer bills, ect. Her mom pays $131 a month for child support, my husband would have to pay $800. Help! What would you do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • when she turns 17 she be emancipated.
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 12:59 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • that is really hard. because obviously you want to do what is best for her. have you guys done family therapy? has her therapist ever made any recommendations? Obviously her mother has caused her a lot of problems and that is where most of your problems are coming. How does DH feel about it? The fact that it is affecting your other 4 children is a HUGE consideration. I wish I had better advice, but I would hate for you guys to give up if there is any chance of really helping her. Has her dad or you had a heart to heart with her. Just because she is old enough to know that saying those things could cause you to lose your kids, it possible that she was not thinking of those consequences and was only considering how they affect her. Sometimes even when a kid is old enough to understand those things, they dont think of them. Good luck!
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 1:01 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I really don't know what to tell you. From what her mother sounds like she would probably want every dime she could get no matter what it did to anyone else. Your sd doesn't sound like she cares what happens to your other children. How old are they? If they are old enough if CPS did get involved they would talk to them. CPS would also take pictures of all the kids and check to make sure you have enough food in the house. Sadly I know this from CPS being called on me. I haven't had my kids taken away because they could see that my children aren't abused in any way. If you could get proof of her mother telling her to make up shit that would work in your favor. In a way her mother telling her to do stuff like that is considered neglect.

    JAIRATRACI

    Answer by JAIRATRACI at 1:14 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I would call the bio moms bluff and invite cps over to take all the pics they want and disprove the woman. If you have nothing to hide then cps will get annoyed with bio mom and then what will bio mom do? I have experience in this.
    You could also get her emancipted.....also keep stepdaughter away from boys. My friend has a stepdaughter from hell who thought the only way to go live with her bio mom was to get pregnant. She's now really stuck because it didn't work and she's having a baby at 17..GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

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