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Adoptees what do you think is most important for adoptive parents to know?

I was just curious for views on how an adoptee feels growing up being adopted. Is there any advice you could give to adoptive parents that you feel is important in raising an adopted child? Do you think if you knew your biological parents that would make a difference in your life?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Mar. 2, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (9)
  • I always had to keep my status as an adopted child a secret...this made me feel that being adopted was bad. It really affected my self esteem. I too adopted a child and wanted to make sure she never felt as I did..and she never has. Just my honest opinion...but it affected me all the same.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I am an Adoptee from an open adoption and now we are planning to adopt. I think the main thing for adoptive parents to do is relax, and understand that just because you are not the child's biological parents that doesn't make you any less the parent. Also stop thinking about the what if's such as, what if my child finds out that he or she is adopted, what if my child wants to meet the biological parents, what if my child gets angry or feels hurt about being adopted.My life would have been totally different if my biological parents would have raised me, as my birth mother has told me "she gave me to my adoptive mother for a reason, and my adoptive mother did everything that she promised." I love my adoptive mother and my birth mother, they gave me a great life.I hope I was able to help,.

    MiddletonFamily

    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 8:13 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • To me, it was normal, because that's how my parents treated it. I was born in the era before open adoptions. My "birth" announcements proudly declared that I wasn't expected, I was selected. My baby book was one especially designed for adopted children, and one of my favorite story books was "The Chosen Baby" by Valentina P. Wasson.

    I grew up believing adoption not only was normal but was BETTER...and felt a bit sorry for my firends who weren't adopted. My parents CHOSE me...their parents were STUCK with them!
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:03 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • gdiamante...thank you. You always bring an encouraging perspective.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:20 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • First, I'd want to share to pre adoptive parents to do everything they can to work out issues of infertility, (if that's the reason they are adopting) BEFORE they take in a non-related child. My aps did not, and they counted on my adoption to fix their infertility. Guess what? It didn't. And I paid heavily for not fulfilling that in them.

    Second- that it's really ok if their adopted child isn't always thrilled about being adopted. It's ok if they are sad about loosing their mother and family. It's ok to be angry sometimes. Support, love, and have empathy for our feelings. You're the adult, and you choose to parent us with all the rewards, happiness, pain anger and difficulties. Raising an adoptee IS different than raising a non-adoptive child. Don't insist your child to paste on a happy that my mom couldn't raise me mask. It's like asking us to dance on her grave.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 1:58 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Don't dismiss us, call us bitter and unbalanced and anti adoption when we share our truth and stories here.
    Many times I've felt that some amoms here do that to silence us. That they want very badly to keep the unjust and inhumain practices in adoption as the norm. Heaven forbid people examine and scrutinze policy and practice in adoption.... It may decrease the pool of babies available.
    I know many times it makes it feel like being a whistle blowers. Let's change adoption to really be about the child. And NOT about consumers who will pay for the right to parent.
    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 2:12 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • and then lastly and my personal favorite--- I'd like to appeal to aparents of any and all adoption
    eras to get involved in restoring EVERY adoptees rights to obtain their original record of birth!

    Open records NOW
    no conditions or qualifications!

    adopteeme

    Answer by adopteeme at 2:38 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Ok the first thing you should know is adoptee go through so many emotions, especially identity crisis wonder who they look like especially being in a family where you have peolpe who you can say this is where I get my eyes from.my nose etc. Some times the child might not want want to meet there biological family but in the back of there mind they will always wish tey had someone to relate to. Always consider there feelings alot of thing are hard to express,but love them support them and most of all protect them. Because you might have family that think there helping they only make things worst.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OH MY...Such an amazing question, KUDOS. However, I am ,simply put, touched deeply by the profound honesty in all these answers, even more so with the respectful way it is being voiced. Thank You for such great insight:) Blessings, C.J.<3
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 11:35 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

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