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Plz help! How do you confront a mother of a bully?

My bosses kids (3) are all bullies. They CONSTANTLY beat up on my 3 yr old. Especially their youngest. He throw stuff at my sons face. Everytime we go over there my son has some sort, scratch or cut. And when we have them over, bc we DO want to be friends, they break something. They've broken my daughters fav jewelry box, tore her dresses, broke a mold a had made of my daughters lil hand, took apart my sons transformers mask and on and on. There is NO respect for property. And when I confront the kids, they just ignore me. But I know this is a sensitive subject.
I have taught my kids to take care of there stuff and they do not hit eachother. But lately, I've found myself telling my son that if they hit him, to hit them back! I don't really want him to but I figure maybe if they get a good hit to them, maybe they will stop. The parents do NOTHING!!! I know this is going to ruin our friendship but it has to stop. I need advice!

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mxymelt

Asked by mxymelt at 11:07 PM on Mar. 2, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (10)
  • When my kids get in school i will also be telling them to hit back if someone hits them -- it is something I am really afriad off ( bullying) ....

    I would defiantly say something to the parents even if it is your boss ! .... It isnt like they will fire you for telling them they have a brat !
    glamomomo

    Answer by glamomomo at 11:09 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • My mom was so cool when it came to this. She would say in front of the child and loud enough for the parent to hear, "Let's not hit" or "Let's not do that". Then she'd turn to the parents and say "Would you help me get them (her kids) to stop ......(whatever they are doing)?" If they act like it's nothing simply say "It's important to me". She would add something like "I prefer they not hit, fight, break things (whatever). " She'd always say it nicely and with a smile. Of course when they left she'd cuss them like a sailor! lol It worked though.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:12 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • thing is they have SEEN there kids do this, and I believe they KNOW. But they just don't care. I DONT GET IT!!! Thing is, the father is my pastor, and I'm the worship leader. So we are always together for church functions. My husband is about to blow a gasket. And I wanna say something b4 he does cuz I know he'll do it the wrong way. But i KNOW it's going to be so weird. And I've said things in front tof them. TOnight we had a group meeting at my house and the rooms were DESTROYED!!!! OMG this stresses me out. And my some won't hit them back. He's not a fighter. He just comes to me crying. And they SEE this and just make them say I'm sorry. That pisses me off!!!
    mxymelt

    Answer by mxymelt at 11:20 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • there is a child like this at my kids daycare & up until now i have had the owner of the daycare handle it.
    maiahlynn

    Answer by maiahlynn at 11:22 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • Admckenzie's mom's advice is really the only way if you're intent on salvaging the friendship. We were in the EXACT same boat, all of it, down to the destroying property, and after really trying due to the "work" relationship we had, we finally started avoiding get togethers. It ended when my son had to go to the ER due to one of their kids. If the parents aren't discipling now, chances are good they won't and you will pick up the tab for this. I see the only honest answer as confronting them and explaining that you have to deprogram your kids after they get together or just tell the brutal truth, the kids are from hell. I did in a letter and they STILL bugged us and couldn't understand. It was brutal. They still call and I still avoid two years later. This is a bad bad spot. I really wish you luck and more strength.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • Sounds like the pastor is busy taking care of everyone else. You're probably right, they don't care. It's not at all uncommon for pastor's kids to be terrible. We used to joke about it growing up. No offense to anyone here! If your home is being destroyed, just stop. Clearly it's bad for you and your family. No more gatherings and when you're confronted, just say, that it got to be too hard on your kids and that you are a firm disciplinarian. Or say the kids just don't get along and it's not worth the stress....eventually the pastor/family will move onto another family. It's not good when you're put in the spot of telling your kid to hit back....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • yes, we have started limiting visits. We decided tonight that we will no longer host small groups.
    mxymelt

    Answer by mxymelt at 11:29 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • Very carefully because 9 out of 10 times the parents will say "not my child".
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • it sucks you are having to limit your involvement, like not hosting small groups, because of them. do other parents feel the same way? maybe a couple of you should confront the mom. it is VERY rude. THEY should be the ones to need to work with their kids and should get another group or sit it out until their children learn to behave! you guys shouldn't have to be "punished" for their children. but admakenzie had a great idea... hold the parents responsible. maybe say to the kids "if you dont stop ____ you will have to sit with the grownups and be quiet" which would mean if the kids keep acting up, the kids are FORCED into their parents way, distracting THEM.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 12:24 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • yes, other parents feel the same way. it's kind of a known thing but no one wants to discuss the elephant in the room
    mxymelt

    Answer by mxymelt at 4:55 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

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