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my sons insulting comments

I have recently gotten engaged, my son and my fiance have always gotten along well. The other day my son (17) asked me if we were going to have any kids when we got married, I said well we want to enjoy being husband and wife first but yes we defenitly are going to get pregnant, John (my fiance ) dosent have any kids and I want to have another one with him, so yes we are def planning on that. My son said "well it wont be my real brother/sister so I am not going to have anything to do with it, so dont expect me to help or anything. I was so hurt by these comments I didnt even know what to say. My son and I ave always been so close and he is my whoel world I am real torn up about these comments. What do you guys think? Thank you.

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Asked by Tripler3xthreat at 11:09 PM on Mar. 2, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • He's just having a hard time adjusting to the situation. I know it's hard, but I wouldn't take it too much to heart. I'm sure he'll feel differently when actually faced with his new sibling. Oh, and congrats on your engagement!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • First, congrats!
    Second, it's probably pretty weird to him that 17 years later you wanna do the baby thing again. It isn't strange to me but I can see a teenager feeling displaced by your urge to start brand new and shed the old. He may feel he's part of the shedding process. I wouldn't put any pressure on him to "do" anything, if you do, you risk his pulling away more. Let the chips fall when you are finally pregnant and he may change his tune. He's just being a teen I think. For now, be the adult, make sure he knows he's loved.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I think your son is very normal and scared of the shake-up in the family structure that he's used to...probably scared of feeling replaced by another kid or a whole new family that he doesn't entirely feel a part of.

    I think your son is going to need A LOT of extra re-assurance and attention from you to regain a sense of security about his relationship with you. You might want to start with the "you know hon, a new husband or new baby can never ever replace you right?"

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:18 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I think if you have a child that old you shouldn't be having more now. He doesn't want to be replaced. Not to mention your eggs are old and there is a problem for some women getting pregnant that old.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • eeewww, shes getting married to the man of ger dreams why are you people being snotty, listen missy im in the same spot as you, first off congrats on finding your man and second your son will adjust he just needs to get use to the idea

    Answer by dDanaD74 at 11:45 PM on Mar. 2, 2010

  • I am single, with a 17 year old.

    My son, does not like any man.

    Just let it be, for now and when the time comes, he may come around.

    CONGRATS ♥♥♥♥♥

    Answer by SissyAnn141 at 12:31 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • HEY! For one, i'm 18 and i had my son 6 1/2 months ago...when he is 17 i will be 35, does that make me too freaking old? NO, some women have their FIRST child then!

    As far as your son, being around his age, I can tell you that he's probably just having some insecurities about the whole thing since you're bringing a new baby in the picture he doesn't want to be shoved out of the picture. He may not even know that's the reason but that's more than likely it.

    Congrats on the whole thing! And good luck!

    Answer by LogansMama09 at 12:33 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • If you have children that would make them your son's half brother or half sister. Other than your son feeling a little put out, maybe talk to him and make him feel part of your new life. Being 17 years old is difficult as young adults that age are really sensitive, irrational and also needing encouragment. People need self assurance then. You said that he gets on with your new man, which is positive. Then could there be something bothering your son? Ask him how he feels about you having more children and do assure him that he's much loved.

    Forget the other post made by someone who said you shouldn't be thinking of having more children! It's nothing to do with them. Women are capable of having children until their mid-late forties. What's important is your happiness and whatever you decide. Hope everything turns out okay with your son.

    Answer by DaffodilFae at 3:39 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I had twin girls and my oldest was 18 and another was 17. My youngest (17 year old) told me it was a mistake and neither of them wanted anything to do with the pregnancy. That changed after they were born. They love them now!

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:41 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Imagine your 17, and your mom tells you that she plans on having another baby--I'm sorry but yea it would be way weird.--Any teenager would react this way--Just give him some space and some time to get used to the idea.

    Answer by Lanasmom at 8:20 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

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