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am i crazy.....

....or is this totally inappropriate and disrespectful...

in december i take a card out of my mailbox addressed to my husband. it's from a female...i dont care, i figure it's one of his boss' or just a co-worker right?....right.
cut to 2months later. i'm taking another card out of the mailbox, a birthday card this time from the same person, to my husband. i think, hmm... i give him the card. he turns with his back to me to read it, puts it away and goes on with his business.....hmmm.
so, i find the card.....it has cute little hearts all over it and it's signed...."wish i could be there to celebrate it with you, love tina"
this is a lady he worked with when he was out of state.
.
now our marrige is very rocky and i told him to find a gf, BUT don't hide anything from me.
she's in her 40's so you would think she would have a little more respect than that right?
i'm furious at how disrespectful this is....wouldn't you?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:11 AM on Mar. 3, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • yep, you're all right, i invited it....but ONLY if he were honest about it. i guess i just feel like she did this to hurt me or rub it in my face, and THAT is what gets me. apparently she has suceeded.
    now if they want to be honest with me, that's a different story.
    I'm not judging you, but I am playing devil's advocate.  You don't know what her intentions are.  You don't know what your dh told her about your relationship and circumstances.  I can definitely understand your hurt, but this situation is outside of the norm, so I really do suggest that you sit down and calmly discuss the situation and like I mentioned earlier, lay down some ground rules that you both can live with.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 9:51 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I can't imagine why you would have told him to find a girlfriend or how you possibly thought this would help. You can't be upset when he did what you already okayed. What are you upset about? Cheating is never okay, and can't help fix a marriage but you told him to do it.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 8:20 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I don't see any disrespect in her sending a card. She's obviously not hiding anything. If you told him to not hide anything HE is the one being disrespectful.

    yep, I find you crazy for telling him to go get a girlfriend then you get jealous about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I don't think you have a right to be upset when he is doing exactly what you told him to do in the first place. 

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 8:51 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Ok, first of all......i'm not jealous...i'm hurt that he is hiding it from me and that she has the balls to send heart cards to my home.

    yes, i told him to go find a girffriend......the reason behind it has nothing to do with this question. besides it's way too long and complicated....and i stand by it, still.
    .
    second, you dont think it's disrespectful of her to mail these cute little cards to MY home, where my children live?
    that was really the only question i had -
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:04 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • nope not mad at her- would be mad at him. he is the one hiding it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:19 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • If you told him to get a girlfriend (why, I don't get...but that's your thing), then him getting a card from a gf you approved isn't something to be pissed at. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by you reading the card, but he did what you said and had permission to be with someone else. Maybe you need to make your mind up whether you want him all to yourself or not. If having a gf makes you feel shitty, then maybe it's not a good idea.

    Also, where else is the gf going to send him a card if she wants to? He lives there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:21 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • You "OK-ing" the girlfriend thing was an open door to all of this. No matter what you reasons are for telling him to find a girlfriend, by saying that, you invited this behavior.

    It is disrespectful for her to send those things to your home, but again, you invited it. Did you just expect to trust some girl he's having a fling with? For all you know, she's already got plans to meat your kids. Allowing your husband to see other woman will ruin your marriage even more. If your relationship is to the point where you want him to see other women, do yourself, your husband & your kids a favor & leave. It's all going to make a big mess, because you said it was OK for him to see other women. Way to go.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 9:22 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • It's HIS home too
    and you told him to get a girlfriend!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Ok, first of all......i'm not jealous...i'm hurt that he is hiding it from me and that she has the balls to send heart cards to my home.
    second, you dont think it's disrespectful of her to mail these cute little cards to MY home, where my children live?


    He is not hiding it then.   Maybe you should lay down some more definitive boundaries.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 9:40 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

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