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school function drama-

I've seen many letters about issues with drama at school functions - such as divorced parents and the like. My situation is that I want to attend functions for my niece- such as concerts, seeing projects on display, things like that. In the past mommy has stated that we want 'certain things' to be 'just us' - I did try to comply, but that resulted in my not being included in any of my nieces functions.
as much as I would like to do what my SIL wants to respect her as the parent, I feel respect goes both ways. My niece and I mean a lot to each other. My niece in fact has pulled me aside to invite me to school functions that I suspect my SIL didn't want me attending.
Now here's where I'll be considered the 'bad guy' by many.
as far as I know, short of a restraining order my SIL can't keep me from attending the school functions. I'm afraid I am not inclined to just no go because SIL wants that.


Asked by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Mar. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I think your SIL has a problem and should get some help. Personally, I would be thrilled if more of my family would attend my son's functions, but everybody is always too busy.

    If I were you, I'd go and enjoy my time with my niece. Like your brother said, the activities are open to the community, so there isn't anything to stop you from going. Your niece is only going to be this age once and the more people she has to support her, the better off she will be in the long run. However, if your attending is going to cause tension in the family, you should really have a sit-down chat with everyone involved, including your niece if she is old enough because this involves her, too. Maybe start by asking your brother what the big deal is? Then, armed with that knowledge, you should be able to allay your SIL's fears and/or concerns, whatever they may be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OP cont-
    I feel there is a bigger issue here and that is my niece. I do not attend this functions to make my SIL happy, but to support my niece and the other students that participate.
    The school principal has told me and my husband that she thinks it's wonderful that we attend the functions and that she is always happy to see us there for our niece.
    My husband's brother (daddy) has told me not to worry about it, that the events are open to the community. So I'm caught in the middle between what my SIL says and my BIL says.
    I can't see the school making a effort to keep us out-
    has anyone else had a situation like this? did the school get involved?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • It sounds like your SIL may be feeling a bit of jealousy over your closeness with her daughter. Honestly, if it were me, I wouldn't go, and let my SIL have her mommy time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Yeah, your niece knows your support her without you butting into these functions. Before her mom cuts you off completely I'd stop going.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 11:48 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OP- I guess I look at is as I would when I was a child. My niece has already asked my why I wasn't around for certain things- it was clear her feelings were hurt. If I was her, I would be very hurt by the absence of the aunt that had been so involved. and If I was later told 'mommy didn't want me there' that wouldn't be good enough. I'd be mad at the aunt and mad at the mommy.
    so as far as letting mommy have her mommy time, I'd be happy to discuss with her having me not attend certain things and attend others. But I'm not willing to just fade away.
    Don't mean to be cruel ladies, but my staying away would be for mommy's benefit, and it hurts my niece.
    staying away would be indulging my SIL's jealousy and immaturity and the expense of my nieces feelings- Sorry, not going to do that. if she's jealous, sorry. I think she needs to be a adult about this.
    If she'll work with me, I'll work with her- let's hope for the best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OP-
    "Yeah, your niece knows your support her without you butting into these functions. Before her mom cuts you off completely I'd stop going. "

    short of a restraining order- how would she 'cut me off'?
    I know there's grandparents rights, looking into seeing about things for a situation like mine.
    seriously, I am going to try to work with mommy since we both love the little girl involved. Unfortunately the past has shown that she expected me to just do as she said-
    There's limits when it comes to that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • She's the mother and she can say who that kid can and can not talk to. Your pushing it. Don't you have your own kids to fight for? I'd seriously never let my little girl around you if you though you were entitled to it like you do. She can say that she's not going to family functions or pull her daughter out of the school functions so you won't show up.

    And if you keep acting like it's your right to do what you want when it comes to someone elses daughter than I hope she does get a restraining order!

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 12:06 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OP- well, she can try to get a restraining order if she so wishes. It's not about her-
    I intend to try to work with her, but I wouldn't want a aunt of mine to just fade away under the circumstances.
    children are not possessions and there is a long history here that would take a book to fill.
    Much as I'm sure we would all like to think it's just as simple as the idea of our kids will do as we wish, or those involved will be who we want- or that we can do what we want with our kids-
    if that were true, then there wouldn't be things like legal disputes over rights to see children and there wouldn't be a need for social services.

    I just hope that mommy and I can work something out. my niece is the important thing-

    seriously, if this went as far as a attempt at a restraining order, those over the report would probably laugh-
    let's put a restraining order on someone for loving a child? we should all have such problems.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OP- ty so much anon 12:13 PM-
    I'm not the enemy- it's just a complicated situation. I do intend to try to work it out- possibly with a sit down. I've suggested family counseling but my SIL got offended and thought I was calling her crazy.
    I am going to try- I don't want a war-
    I don't want to push my way into all family things- I just don't consider it reasonable to have it where I can't attend anything.
    I hope we can meet each other half way............

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:16 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I think your sister in law doesn't want you to come to these things because your are so overbearing. Why do you think you are entitled to it? I think that you should respect the wishes of the mother and if you don't then your going to regret it.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 12:18 PM on Mar. 3, 2010