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Now my daughter is getting bullied because her friend has a terrible mom !

My 12 year old daughter is a happy-go-lucky girl... we moved to a new towna dn started a new school, she got alot of friends at first, but the main one I cannot stand... her motehr lets her smoke ( buys the ciggs) and she has a 16 year old boyfriend ( that the mom accepts) ... I trust my daughter to make the right decisons and she came to me talking about how she was worried about her friend with this guy and h
ow she doesnt like hima nd doesnt want to be around her friend when she is with him, so I told her to just tell the friend that I told her she wasnt aloud to be around the boyfriend but they could still hang out ( it just has to be without him) ...well the next day she did and came home crying because all of that girls friends ganged up on her calling her names, saying she isnt a friend, and throwing paper and stuff at her. This girls mom is beyond trashy ( I have tried to talk to her before) & school wont do anything

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:47 AM on Mar. 3, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (13)
  • Good luck with this one. I feel for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • What would you like the school to do?

    Why do you let your daughter 'hang out' with a girl that smokes and has a trashy mom?

    Answer by Gailll at 11:54 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Actually if this other girl is smoking and hanging out with a 16 yr old boyfriend, I wouldn't want my 12 yr old around her to begin with. It's hard to make friends in a new school and the first to accept a new-comer are usually the ones that are, lets say, a bit questionable as far as being their behavior, etc. With the other kids throwing stuff at her....perhaps you should take it to the district office since the school won't do anything about it...and let them know you have no problem going to the State Education Board if something isn't done.

    Answer by meriana at 11:58 AM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • The girls are bullying my daughter ( and threatning to beat her up) I would atleast expect the school to talk to the girls...

    My daughter has always made the right decisions...and that is who she became friends with, my daughter is smart enough to not be around the girl when she does smoke and when she is around the guy ( which is why she came to me for advice on how to handle it) ...the girl was her 'first friend" when we moved her and I also think my daughter feels some kind of "honor " to her or something

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:02 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I would tell my daughter that it is time to move on and find other friends that share her beliefs and outlook on life. Your daughter's friend is Trouble Waiting to Happen....and your daughter could get caught in the middle of it. I know it will hurt, but this is one time she needs to walk away. Just because she normally makes good decisions, doesn't mean she won't make a mistake. She has done what she could, now it is time to let go. Tell her the best thing she can do is pray for her friend and her mom, but to let her go and let God deal with her. If the other girl comes and asks why she is distant, she can answer that she feels uncomfortable with the life her friend has chosen to lead. It hurts her to watch her friend destroy herself. Maybe this will make an impression for the good.

    Answer by singnstitch at 12:16 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I know how you feel my 13 yr. old daughter has the same issue she hangs out w this girl only at school because obviously I won't allow her to go to her house or the girl to come to mine I've told my daughter I don't feel like she's a good example and you should just hang out w your good friends which she has many but this one girl is something else my daughter will wind up caught up in something she does wrong whether it was her who did it or not she is there. I would tell your daughter to find a new friend maybe the other girls turned away from your daughter because of the girl she hangs out with that's something I'd think about because she'll adventually wind up w nobody...

    Answer by chica679 at 12:44 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • There is no way that my daughter would have contact with that child beyond during school hours.
    And I'd be tempted to call CPS on the whole situation...smoking, "dating a 16 yr old" (IF they are having sex, thats criminal sexual conduct - first degree in most states)

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:52 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • well the main place they see each other is at school , and then sometimes they walk home together from school and they have gone to a couple school activites together...My daughter has never went to their house..

    I actually have thought of calling CPS on them \ but I havent

    but you ladies are right, she does just need to give her up completely...the problem is that she is being mean to her, and I dont know how to make it stop..

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • See what your school's bullying policy is? Most schools have a no tolerancy policy and it can be reported to the couselors at school.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Yeah, the problem with reporting it is it segregates the accuser from the gang, and she is more alone than ever. What should then happen is another group of "nice" girls will see it, and let her in to their group. Middle school madness..... its really hard to switch groups. She needs to get involved with an activity like sports or drama/music at school that immediately associates her with a group.
    Reaching out with "how can we make this work" is a much better approach for the school to help over "you need to do this for my daughter". Right or wrong, its how it works. Best of luck with this! I've been there with you and its SO very hard!

    Answer by momofours at 4:30 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

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