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Am i wrong?

Due to my ex's violent nature(verbal and emotional), which he now denies, i have insisted he visit our son at my house when ever he wanted, just let me know the day before. He told mediator that he wont visit because its uncomfortable. am i in fault? there isnt any physical evidence because its only threats and the time when he was crying saying he was going to hurt our son was my fault because i left a 17 year old with a 2 month old. He actually said what do you expect. THE MEDIATOR AGREED! i was floored, i was 16 and was just fine. Is it really wrong to have visits at my house and can he really use the excuse of being uncomfortable? or will the judge say seeing you son should be more important to him.

Answer Question

Asked by Jnc91 at 12:22 PM on Mar. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 8 (211 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Unless there is evidence against your ex and a judge orders supervised visitations, you cannot dictate your ex's visitation schedule - not the when or the where or what he does. You must abide by the custody/visitation agreement.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • If the two of you can't agree on a setting, the judge is more likely to say visitation has to be in a neutral place.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I agree with PP. You don't get to set the terms of his visitation. That's for the judge to decide. If there's no history of phys violence you don't have a leg to stand on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Hon,
    This is a very sensentive issue, but I would have to agree with you, visitation does need to be done in the home where the child resides especially if you have viable evidence to back up your claim of him being extremely Violent. If he's ever hit you or threatened your child knowingly causing you to be afraid that should honestly be enough to get a restraining order and if he said it in front of someone else that you know of, have them write an an account of it, have it notorized and take it to your lawyer. If this doesn't work I don't know what to tell you, but hon, the mediator needs to be changed if they cannot agree or stay out of both parties buisness. If they only benefit one parent then they are not doing their job and I would request a change to someone you both can trust, not someone who suits him and makes him look like the good guy and you the bad guy.

    Answer by FullMoonAngel at 12:31 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • op here. nothing is official yet. this is just what i have set up until the judge actually orders something

    Answer by Jnc91 at 12:34 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • You are wrong and of course it is uncomfortable to see his son in your home. You could be in trouble for trying to keep him from seeing his child and loose custody. There is no proof that he has done anything wrong. You have admitted that you haven't been letting him see his child.

    Remember, to the court the child is just as much his as it is yours.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Op here, regarding anon 12:38 how am I not letting him see our son. I have been the one insisting on consistant visits, he only comes once a month. He needs to be able to work with me to benefit our son.having visits at my house was recommended by a lawyer and police detective because in other places he can take our son and never give him back.

    Answer by Jnc91 at 12:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Judges will not usually order supervised visitation in the home of the custodial parent. If you can prove that supervised visitation is required, they will likely order it to be in a neutral place, or order that someone else can supervise visits at his home.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:43 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

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