In reading the great posts by adoptees about what they would tell adoptive parents, it got me thinking a lot about how easy it is to "worry" about things that may or may not happen in the future. So my question is primarily for other adoptive moms, "What do you fear or worry about most (related to adoption) as your child grows up?" However, I would be interested to hear answers from the perspective of the other triad members as well.Answer Question
Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Mar. 3, 2010
Answer by TLW514 at 2:17 PM on Mar. 3, 2010
As a BSE mom my biggest fear was simply was he o.k. , happy ,healthy.Last summer it appears he was found and it appears he is healthy ,happy and all that I wanted for him. What an amazing relief.He is still deployed so absolute confirmation has n't happened yet..add a new fear current safety.Now my next fear is that he will want nothing to do with me ever.Last week I told a friend ,the first one I told,about possibly finding my first son.My friend and I have been friends since we were 14 and he knew when I was sent away.He is adopted and loved his parents.He crushed me he told me he had no use for his birth mom,she was worthless so why was I doing this.Now I know I can make conversation fr an hour while sobbing inside.So my this fear is larger than ever.
Answer by drfink at 3:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2010
Answer by 7babies4me at 9:09 PM on Mar. 3, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:51 PM on Mar. 3, 2010
Thank you so much Iamgr8tful.It was a shock since he knows all about the being forced and all.When we were in our 20's and 30's I used to get a feeling he semi-fantasized that I represented his birth mothers feelings.This was ok with me.Hope you are correct.My birth son is due back in April.He is in my prayers constantly.A bit of topic but my 25 yr old came back from deployment last week.He had been gone since Feb 14,09. SO HAPPY.He is an Military Intelligence officer in Afghan so he is in debriefing till the end of March but he is safe.He comes home to us March 30.These days are such a weird mix of extreme feelings elation,fear,worry,happiness and constant prayer.One home safely and one to go.
Answer by drfink at 1:36 AM on Mar. 4, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on Mar. 4, 2010
Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:04 AM on Mar. 4, 2010
Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:20 AM on Mar. 4, 2010
This may be a unrealistic idea but anyway for the moms that their child's birth mothers have huge issues...guns ,drugs etc.Have yall thought about keeping a semi-sanitized journal of wishes and d reams for your children including your attempts to include the birth mothers and what keeps it from happening at times.Clearly not a place to vent and trash but kind off ...we attempted to make plans but the drug addiction kept her unavailable and I am sad and on and on...Perhaps in the future if your children,when older, wonder about why and how things did or didn't take place journals kept at the time would give them insight to the situation.Anon 56 I am not hugely FB proficient but would it be possible to make a special page for her birth mother to have access and that way you could completely control info at arms length from her.Just an idea .
Answer by drfink at 10:38 AM on Mar. 4, 2010