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Would the reasons for placing affect your decision to adopt?

I have often wondered, did or would the mom's reason for choosing adoption impact whether or not you did or would adopt the child? For example, if you thought financial reasons alone were not a "good" reason to place a child for adoption, would you/ did you still adopt a child placed for these reasons?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Mar. 3, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (8)
  • The people I picked to adopt my child did not ask me why I was doing it. Do any Pap's ever ask, I wonder? Or are they just so happy to get picked that it does not matter why? You have a good question here. I look forward to some real answers.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Most people who are looking to adopt REALLY want a baby. The reason why the biological mom is giving up her child should not be of any concern. She should realize how heartbraking it was for her to even come to that decision! Not to mention, financial reasons is a pretty good reason! If you can't support your baby or give them the life they deserve that's a very good and mature reason! Just my opinion! I never had to give up a baby but have severe fertility problems where adoption may be in my future.

    Answer by meg613 at 2:15 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • There is much financial help for a mother now-days if she seeks it. One of the things on the paperwork I was given to read over as a birthmom clearly stated "You do NOT have to give your child up soley for financial reasons. If that is the only reason you are considering adoption please let us know because there is help available to you to help you keep your baby". I was very pleased that they said that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • For me, I think the biggest thing was knowing that the decision was hers. I was lucky enough to spend time with DD's mom at the hospital when she was born and felt very comfortable that she had all the information SHE needed to make the decision and that she was comfortable with her reasons for making this difficult decision. While I know that her financial status was part of her decision-making process, based on our conversations, its not the only reason she chose adoption.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I think I might be a bad candidate for a domestic private adoption because if we started developing a relationship with a birthmom and she expressed that she really wanted to parent her baby but couldn't because of financial reasons, I would probably start encouraging her to parent and trying to help her rather than getting her to give the baby up. However, there are lots of other reasons firstmoms give their babies up, including feeling unready or unable to parent, so maybe I could do it. I think if/when I get there I will probably go fost-adopt route. Someday I picture running a maternity home of sorts, where I would take in young mothers who truly want to parent but don't have the support to do so. Adoption wouldn't be pushed, nor religion, and they wouldn't be kicked out after the birth of the baby. They would be encouraged to pursue work/career/school and helped set up with independent living. Ah, dreams!

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 7:21 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I adopted from Russia, and one of the questions the judge asked me was if I was ok adopting a child from a less than desirable family. I was stunned, I just looked at her and finally said, she is her own person, and she is from my family, and that's all that counts. I know why she was given available and don't think that that influenced my decision in any way. But the night they told me I sat in a hotel room in a strange city and cried for a woman I never met.

    I think like Bellarose, I think I would flinch if there was a birth mom that was saying it was only money, and ask them if they were sure they were really ready to give up their child. If they wanted to parent, I would try to encourage them to be brave enough to go for it. I think long term for everyone's best interest, a birth mom needs to be 100% certain of their decision before it's made.

    Answer by 7babies4me at 8:56 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • There was a teenage mom that I met before I had kids. Her son was about 19 months, and she was living on a friend's floor, not really doing a good job of taking care of him. I had never seen a little kid with BO before - I just wanted to take the little guy and give him a bath. She came over one day crying and saying she just couldn't do it, and that she thought she'd have to give him up for adoption (her words). Believe me, I would have loved to take him into our family, but I knew that wasn't what she wanted at all. Also, I thought of this little boy who by then was very attached to his mom. I told her that there were people who could help her so she could keep him. I'd give her rides sometimes and diapers. I hope I made the right decision and that they are doing okay today.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:46 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Bellarose, I love your "dream". I can't imagine adopting a woman's child based solely on her lack of financial resources. I do think that it's more complicated than that, though. Maybe I'm wrong.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:08 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

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