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My 10 yr old dd is getting more and more out of control. At the end of my rope.

My dd is ten & for the past 2 yrs or so shes been getting more and more out of control. She gets in trouble everys single week at school anything from not obeying the teacher, talking too much in class, talking back to her teachers & fighting. Every single week this has been going on. I;ve been punishing her every time & she wont stop!! Now just an hour ago her PRINCIPAL called & told me she's suspended because she was on recess & kept calling another girl a BITCH & kept trying to get the girl to fight her!!! I've never in my life EVER heard my dd say a cuss word & the thgt of her trying to provoke a fight just makes my blood boil!!! I dont know what to do, she's been in counseling for the past 2 yrs when I noticed the behavior starting & its just getting worse. Ive been so stressed about this that i've been thinking of signing over my rights as a mother to someone else. Thats how serious this is. My heart hurts and Im scared.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:48 PM on Mar. 3, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • Have you spoken with her counselor about what is wrong with her? Maybe you should take her to a doctor..

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • sounds like you need to find a new counselor. something is obviously going on with her, and it doesnt sound like the current one is helping. maybe she needs more than counselor. im sorry. i feel that way with my 10 yo son, but hes not to that point. yet

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Maybe she knows you want to get rid of her and that's why she's acting out! Geez she's your kid not a dog you can just get rid of.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 5:07 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • i would recommend getting her to someone more than a counselor... as well... i know you're probably already doing this, but make sure that suspension isn't fun for her... make her do even more work than she would be doing in school... not only written, but manual. maybe take her to a school for troubled kids and talk to the principal (WITH HER IN THERE!) about possibly enrolling her in the school... have them talk to her about what goes on there, and what she would be expected to do. (they don't normally enroll kids in that kind of school unless they've been expelled, but i would get the principal to play along.)

    Answer by gracefulsky at 5:08 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • This is a serious situation, as you already know...and good for you for trying to find and answer. I would definately talk to the counselor about the behavior. Do you attend together? Have things changed in the last two years? Birth? Death? Relationship for you? Have you had a meeting with the school prinicpal, teacher and even the playground aid..all together. Maybe they need to develop a behavioral plan at school and give you suggestions for home. Are there things that she likes to do with you? that you can use as a reward? Maybe make cookies or watch a movie? Do you have other kids? Where is her dad? It is hard to give alot of suggestions with so many unanswered questions. I would say that being home from school means homework not play. No TV, no music, and if her room is a mess she needs to clean it. If she refuses the restrictions carry over to the next day and each day until it is done. do call the counselor.

    Answer by gammiej at 5:52 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Put her in a small private school. Some kids don't do well in larger public schools. She may need a lot more supervision and one-on-one time than a larger public school can afford. I'm NOT knocking public schools btw. I went to public school from K-12th grade.

    Check and see if there are any private school voucher programs in your state. They help low-income families afford private school tuition.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:40 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Although my eldest is only 7, I have been doing a little research on this just in case. My daughter is very head-strong..... I have to agree with gammiej. Are you taking away priviledges? Does she still get a tv in her room? Cookies after school? Dance lessons? You know what I mean? Is there a consequence for her behaviors? Do you truly give her one on one time? A positive time, with no pressure for you and your daughter? That is probably the best reassurance you could give. I hope you find some answers with the counselor. Good luck. Remember to take deep breaths before you reprimand her so you don't say something you'll later regret. I know the feeling of wanting to give up knowing you'd never really do it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

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