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Why does being a birthmother have to SUCK so damn bad. I only wanted what was best for her. I wanted my baby. I just couldnt provide for her then. I did what was right so why does it SUCK and HURT so much. I HATE this.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:35 PM on Mar. 3, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (15)
  • I am sorry you are hurting so much, my heart goes out to you.

    Answer by rochellecole at 6:36 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Doing what is best for our children shows love...... but that doesnt mean it is easy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I'm sorry you're going through this- but I do feel that you did what was best if you couldn't care for your baby.
    have you seen about a support group?

    best to you.............

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • I am so sorry!! I really am. I know exactly how you feel. I had a baby at 16 yrs old. I gave her up for adoption and believe me I live with regret and my heart aches. I am now 26 yrs old. I wish that I could say that its going to get better but for me it hasn't I have learned how to manage it. But I think about her all the time. Lucky for me I wouldnt give her up until we agreed to have an open adoption so I could see her when I wanted!
    My prayers are with you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Loving our children sometimes means hurting badly. I am sorry you are going thru this. Maybe you can see a counselor or find a support group to help you with your grief. Hugs to you. Messge me if I can help you, even if it is to just listen.

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 6:49 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • OP, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could take away your pain. I don't know how you survive it each day. You SHOULD be able to rest in knowing that you did what you felt was right at the time, that you didn't have a crystal ball to see what your future would be like, and that she's being taken care of by people who love her as much as you do. But it's not that simple, is it? The fact remains that being separated from your child HURTS. I wish I had the words, OP, I don't. But I do have tears for you and every birth mother who longs to hold her children once again.

    If you haven't seen a grief counselor who specializes in adoption lately or ever, maybe it's time you did. You shouldn't have to bear this cross alone. Maybe you can work thru the pain with someone else who can help shoulder the weight. Hugs to you, Mama.

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 8:15 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • You gave her life.You didn;t go get an abortion.You love her and you always will. I think you did the right thing.Maybe one day when she is older, she may want to meet you and talk to you.

    Answer by evelynwest at 5:27 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • It sucks because we gave away our own children. It's not natural. So of course the loss of them pains us forever, not to mention the guilt and shame. Not only that many people belittle birth mother loss and grief. They tell us we should get over it and can't understand why, if we know our children are alive and well, why that isn't all we need to feel better. It sucks when they say we chose adoption, so why are we sorry now. It sucks because some people group those of us that relinquished voluntarily, with people that have had their children taken away due to neglect or abuse and imply that had we kept our children we would most likely have done the same. It sucks to lose a child now matter how it happens. Have you looked in therapy?

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:55 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • onethentwins you have such a great way of getting to the truth.

    Answer by drfink at 12:58 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • It hurts because you are a good mother. You did what you thought was BEST, even if it was the worst thing you could do to yourself. You didn't keep the child you wanted, because you felt that wasn't best for HER. You put your baby first.
    The pain will ease. It never quite goes away, but you will manage to live through it.

    Answer by TinaN64 at 9:25 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

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