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How can i get my 4 year old to stop back talking me?

My 4 year old will not stop back talking she thinks she is the boss and can do anything i have spanked her put her in time out then she is good for about 10 mins and does it again. It's an everyday thing i'm going crazy she will not mind me, my husband,grandparents and she is very hateful plz help

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Lesley_Mullens

Asked by Lesley_Mullens at 10:59 PM on Mar. 3, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (6)
  • You can't stop her from doing anything. Sometimes we have to stick to ur guns and continue to lay out consequences for the behavior over and over again. It doesn't just get fixed and stop. Hateful? What do you mean hateful? Maybe she's just frustrated.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:05 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • First off quit hitting her. It just makes them angry and they act out even worse...oh yeah you already found that out! Spanking doesn't work. If it did you wouldn't have to do it and her repeat her action again 10 min later. Children learn what they live so you need to change things you are doing that's causing her to be like this. Do you and her dad fight? yell? be bossy? Children that age imitate adults. She doesn't listen? Did you have her hearing checked? If that's fine then I'd say she is being given mixed messages. The family has obviously allowed this to go on for a while and now she's comfortable with it. To get her to change the family has to change. They have to be more structured in how they treat her. Ignore bad behavior and praise good behavior. She'll start doing more of the good behavior bc she'll get the attention she is craving. So many children do things, even bad things for attention. Give her attention
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:05 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • Yep, positive re enforcement. Do not re enforce bad behavior. Keep your reactivity level down when she's at her worst.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:09 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • This is the hardest for me, because my 6 yo is a total drama queen & in all honesty, I am a hot-head. I have to really take my time & keep my cool. I really have to rein myself in sometimes in order to stay calm. It has gotten a lot better for us. I informed my daughter of the rules. Then I informed her of the consequences. You have to find some punishment that works. No dessert, extra chores, make the punishment fit the crime. (I make my 9 yo son rub my feet when he messes with my outdoor air conditioning unit.) When she breaks the rules, I say something like "You just asked me that a few minutes ago. I told you 'No'. You're breaking your rules." It is what it is & it's not up for discussion. When we get emotional when dealing with our children, what we end up with is a debate among 2 children, when what we need is a calm, but firm, parent guiding a child's behavior.

    carlye828

    Answer by carlye828 at 11:37 PM on Mar. 3, 2010

  • my son is 4, and occassionally, he talks to me that way, i just tell him, we don't talk to mommy that way, and you need to change your tone, when i do this, he talks to me the way he should, i keep reinforcing this all the time, i don't tolerate backtalk at all. IF he continues this, i tell him, obviously, he needs some time in his room, and he then will need to sit in his room, on his floor, with his hands in his lap, until i tell him to get up, i remind him again, we don't talk to mommy that way. I stay consistent with the consequence, so he knows what will happen. I don't reccomend spanking because it doesn't teach the child what is acceptable, it just teaches the violence and sneakiness, but that is my opinion.
    mghtymffn

    Answer by mghtymffn at 10:41 AM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • You know those Listerine pocket packs where you pull out a sheet and put it in your mouth for fresh breath? To a young child that is more nasty than soap! It is also better for them than soap and is intended for ingestion. Try that every time something disrespectful comes out of her mouth and watch the change!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

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