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How do you and DH fight? Need a healthy way to fight.

I always feel like he doesn't love me when we are fighting. He has a bad temper but would never ever hit me. He just gets so mad. I usually withdraw. Not good combo. Help.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Mar. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • if we disagree, we usually go our own way for an hour or so, then sit and talk it out.
    mama_moonsong

    Answer by mama_moonsong at 1:38 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • We "discuss" things. Not fight. That doesn't solve anything.
    Doesn't mean that either one of us isn't totally fuming, we just know there is no reason to blow up at someone you are supposed to love.
    If there comes a time where one of us is about to say something we shouldn't, we just tell the other one that we have to shelve it for a bit and we will go have some quiet time away from one another.
    Afterwards, we either finish our discussion or have decided that it was too stupid to have been an issue to begin with.
    Melindakc

    Answer by Melindakc at 1:53 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • In my first marriage I was the one with the temper. If we tried to fight when I was angry is got nasty fast. The best thing would be for both of you to let the issue be for an hour or two. Figure out what exactly the issue is then come together and talk civilly. Or you can do what my current hubby and I do...fight via text message. By the time he comes home the fight is over and no yelling has taken place.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • when SO and I argue, it's usually over something stupid or something we have argued about before but I guess it wasnt resolved. We say our side, and if one of us doesnt want to hear the other side or just disagrees, we usually just leave the room and do something to occupy ourselves to take a breather and do some thinking. After a while, we are more relaxed, have a clearer mind and discuss the issue at hand, sometimes along with laughter, or a clarified understanding of where we are coming from, and that's that! He and I have a wonderful relationship because we are very open with each other.
    Owl_Feather

    Answer by Owl_Feather at 2:37 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Talk to each other not at each other. And only do this if you both can handle it. If not, relax first then talk. Don't be confrontational, don't pick at each other, don't name call and don't bring up stuff from the past, and don't try to be right. All those do is cause resentment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Avoid the accusations of "always" or "never." Also avoid saying "You do this or that." Again, sounds like you are accusing. Say things like, "When this happens, it makes me think I am not loved" or something like that. Try to use "I" or "me" when discussing things with him. It keeps him from feeling like he has to defend himself. If it's a problem that just needs fixing, try just simply stating what you see the problem as being, and then you can proceed to offer a constructive fix for the problem, always stating what you feel you can do about it. not what you think he ought to do. Instead of ordering him to do something or complaining that he doesn't, try prefacing your remarks with something positive that he does that pleases you, and then make a bridge from that to the thing that is causing you a problem. Be creative. Think before you speak, rehearsing what you want to say before you say it, maybe even writing it.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:04 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • We used to fight and were just plain mean to each other. We separated, discovered that we loved each other too much to be apart and got back together. Since then we fight fair. We know better now. We share our feelings and if things get anywhere near heated we back off. Save it for a time when we are calm. We respect each other, use "I" statements, pick our battles, admit when we are wrong, and take care of each other. I honestly try every day to love him just the way he is and I think that this makes him happy since I am not nagging all the time. In turn he does nice things for me and holds me close at night.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 3:49 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • After years of being married, there are things that we will never agree on.And I will never change his mind and he won't change mine.and we are both okay with that.we used to fuss and fight.I don't really know what happened to make us come to that conclusion.I think we had every disagreement we could ever have.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 5:05 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

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