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Not that into me? (sorry, long)

I asked a question yesterday, just because I was frustrated, and received responses I wasn't expecting. I don't trust easily, I tend to have a lot of doubt, and I over think nearly everything. I've decided to trust this guy, and I really like him, but I don't want to be stupid. Now, I'm doubting myself and this relationship. He says he wants a relationship and not just a fling, and that I'm special to him. I try to take what he says at face value; I don't want to be so cynical. He gets frustrated that I can't see him more, but understands I have children and that my life is busy. He wants me to stay w/him more and tells me to make myself at home at his house.

If you have any advice, opinions, whatever, I would LOVE to hear them. Here is the link to the question from yesterday.

http://www.cafemom.com/answers/384183/Does_it_bother_you_when_your_SO_cancels_plans_on_you_at_the_last_minute

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Well have you talked to him about his wanting to see you more but then he cancels? Your lack of trust and cynicism (I'm a cynic too) is your personal hurdle to get over. Try not to project your insecurities onto him and this relationship. They are yours. If he says you are special there doesn't seem to me to be evidence to support that you aren't. Or that he's using you. Don't sleep with him all the time and see if he sticks around. Work through your trust issues. In life, you can get beaten down over and over but you still have to keep trying to have faith in the human race. Some people suck but not all.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 1:46 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Thank you! I try to trust him and not be cynical. My issues are not his fault. I was frustrated and disappointed that he cancelled, but didn't think it was a huge issue until I put it on here and then I kinda got freaked. I told him this morning that cancelling makes me doubt this relationship, and he said I'm reading too much into it and I have too much doubt. I really like him, and don't want to blow a good thing because I'm cynical and mistrusting, but I also don't want to be the naive girl and get trampled on. It feels like a fine line to me : )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • I'd probably want to know WHY he was canceling. the beginning of mine and my SO's relationship is like yours- i'd see him maybe once or twice a night throughout the MONTH. now, i only see him two or three nights a week. we dont live together, arent married, etc- his work schedule and my school schedule colide a lot. But if I was finally free to be with him and he decided to bail on me to hang with his friends who he can see at any time- i'd be LIVID. but if soemthing came up- he needed to help a friend out, or something, then i'd be understanding, but i'd also make sure that he knows that i really want to see him ASAP.

    as for the relationship doubts- WHY are you doubting? b/c the people on here? they have their opinions, but lets be honest- they DONT know your relationship. i have trust issues and the moms on here told me to just break up with him- not gonna happen. like the PP said- dont project your insecurities on him
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 4:09 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • you'll have to work through them. What is "wrong" with the relationship right now? the time you guys are apart? i HATED not being able to see my SO for at least 2 or 3 more weeks, and for only 6 hours at a time (while DS was sleeping). is it b/c he bailed- how many times does he bail on you and of course- what are the reasons? is it possible to get together thru the missing weeks (not seeing each other) for a quick lunch or something? what do you think he's in the r-ship for- sex, money? try stopping that for a while, and see if he sticks around. i've been hitting a low sex drive for a few months now and yea- its frustrating for my SO, but he's there for me and doesnt get mad at me b/c of it.

    if you want, you can PM me anytime. we sound alike.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 4:13 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Honestly the doubts regarding the cancellation came from here. He was tired, didn't feel that great and wanted to sleep. I understand all that, I was just frustrated because I will take any chance I can to see him, and I put things on the back burner to do so. He does not cancel on me to hang out with friends, he's chosen to hang out with me over them. He works REALLY early in the morning, and I work a 9-5 job. I have my children 1/2 time, so 2 nights a week and every other weekend. I don't get together with him when I have them, and with the working hours we each have, weekday dates are hard. We do get together for lunch sometimes, and in the evening when possible. I don't think he has an ulterior motive for being with me. I'm sure there could be, anything is possible, but I do believe him when he says he wants to be with me. I'm feeling much better...for now : )
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

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