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Is is possible for biomoms and step moms to get along?

I came along 2 years after they split.His daughter was 4.she came everyweekend.So 13 years later his ex still despises me.Nothing ever happened between us.We've spoken now and then.I get blamed to their daughter for their split.They were divorced 2 years when we met.All I want is for my step daughter to be happy and have a good life.It seems to me that her daughter would benefit from a peaceful life.


Asked by evelynwest at 5:15 PM on Mar. 4, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (10)
  • My mom will never speak to my father's wife. I am cool with it. It may not bother the child as much as you may think.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:01 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Then leave it alone. If the facts are what they are they won't change. You can't control what mom says or feels. The little girl will grow up a realize that it's not true. Just live your life.

    Answer by Steff107 at 5:17 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Agreed. The harder you try... the worse it gets. Just be the best person you can for your step-daughter and when she matures, she will either accept your influence or reject it.

    Whatever the case may be... don't take the ex-wife's criticism to heart or personally. Just nod your head in understanding and open your heart to your husband's daughter. Just be a positive role model by being a good mom to your own children (if you have them) or in life in general.

    Kids are extremely intelligent... and if there is one thing they pick up on the quickest... it's noticing the "step-parent" trying too hard to fill shoes they otherwise don't want filled by any other person but the Bio-parent.

    So... again, be yourself and let her accept (or reject) you for who you are. It's not like you trying to win "parent of the year." You are ADDITIONAL support if she ever needs you... and trust me, one day she will be extremely grateful!

    Answer by lolodee at 5:33 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • i know people who get along with the step mom of their children. i don't think i could ever get along with the girlfriend of my baby's dad...she's a heroin addict.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • My daughters step mom is awesome! She has done a great job being a 'stepmom' to my daughter. I find that getting along is wayyyy easier than a rough relationship. On both you and you and your child.

    Answer by haysmum at 6:06 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • It does happen sometimes. For me it took my step daughter being diagnosed with juvenile diabetes at the age of 6 years. Her father and I started dating about 3 years after their split and were to gether about 1.5 yeras before the diagnosis. Mom had major issues with me and hated dad, but she never blamed me for the divorce. After the diagnosis the doc told them that they needed to at least get a long or their daughter would have major issues taking care of herself. Well dad and I have since split and mom and I still hang out. While we were together dad used to watch the kids while mom and I went to a movie or to get a couple drinks etc. I never tried to take their mothers place, but was simply there if they needed me and was close with both children (he had an older boy too).

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • It is possible but it has to be mutual. I hope to never be in that position as a parent but I saw the tension as a child between my step mom and bio mom. it was painful.

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 6:57 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Some people are just neurotic. My ex hates my husband - yet I didn't meet him til a year after we split. (But maybe in my ex's mind it was thought that somehow we'd eventually get back together - whatever - I NEVER gave that impression). However, my daughter has been biased against my husband because of my ex - so it has been hard for her to establish a really deep relationship with him. I figure, eventually when my daughter grows up, she'll figure it out and realize how wonderful he is.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 7:46 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Of course!!! My ex husbands girlfriend and I get along great!! She is wonderful with my son and we have a lot in common and sometimes end up chatting for an hour when I'm picking up my son. My ex husband and I are still friends and we all do our best (my fiance included) to make the best life for our son. I think we are doing good:)

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 8:35 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • Both parties have to be willing to be adults. You can't control what BM does, but you can control what you do. You will have to come to terms with the fact that she will always despise you. So, ignore her and stay away from her. Don't put yourself in a position where you're going to be attacked.
    This is from experience. Like you, I came along long after the divorce. In fact, SHE was already with someone else (prior to the divorce). Yet, years later, her third marriage has failed and I'm somehow responisible for the fact that she and my DH are no longer together. She is incapable of being civil to me. I'm not a trashy Jerry Springer type, so I just stay the heck away from her. When the kids start a sentence with "You know what my mom said about you?" I say, "It doesn't matter" and that's the end of that.
    You can only control yourself. Some people will always be bitter.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Mar. 4, 2010