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How can I get through to my daughter!

I don't know where to start, I have a 14 year old daughter that is attitude from head to toe. I don't know how much more I can take : (. I know that I'm a mom and its part of growing up and that I signed on for this, but she actually hurts my feelings, talks mean and give looks from hell. I'm tired all the time from fighting, the yelling and I try to take stuff away that she likes doing and it doesn't even bother her, she looks at me with cold eyes and acts like she has a heart of ice. Please someone give me words of confort that this isn't just me.

 
rcreekmo

Asked by rcreekmo at 8:03 PM on Mar. 4, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (11)
  • rcreekmo,
    My youngest daughter is 13, and attitude is her middle name..haha. I am not the worlds best mom by any stretch of the imagination, but medication, while necessary at times, is no replacement for discipline. She may act like she doesn't care when you take stuff away, but she does. Kids need boundaries, they need to know you love her enough to say NO! Personally, I have had to step up the discipline a bit, and grounding is it for me. Try to limit the yelling and screaming ( SERIOUSLY??:) ) because strife is an obstacle to peace. Walk away if you can, to calm down if you must, then very kindly and firmly, inform her of your rules etc. and give her reasons why they are there. Type them out and post them all around your house along with the consequences, that way she knows 1 you are serious, and 2 she can't say "I didn't KNOW!!" Then refuse to talk about it until her mood and speech are calm. Hope this helps. laura
    VictoriousRN

    Answer by VictoriousRN at 12:07 PM on Mar. 7, 2010

  • SWEETY DONT THANK YOUR THE ONLY ONE , I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD DOUGHTER THAT IS THE SAME WAY AND TRUST ME SOME TIMES I THANK ABOUT SLAPING HER HEAD OFF ! ! I COULDNT HANDLE IT ANY MORE SO I TOOK HER TO THE DR AND HE PUT HER ON MEDS THAT COLMES HER DOWN ! ! JUST HANG IN THERE ! !
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • this is gonna sound bad, but based on the severity of her actions, just ignore her. when she wants something, ignore her. showing her that she isnt gonna get a response out of u from her bad behavior, maybe she will straigten up. i dont kno how this will work. but i kno that when i was a kid i acted out for attention no matter if it was being screamed at. show her that u love her, but stay strong. hope it works (if u try it).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:12 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • can't give much advice since I don't have a 14 year old, but your letter made me smile when I thought of stuff I did at that age- would it help to think back at stuff you did? maybe it would at least make you smile- :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • It sounds to me like she is really enjoying all the negative attention she is getting. Ignoring is a good way to start. Clear expectations and concequences (spelled out on paper) helps...and then rewarding for good behaviour...even if it's the chance to rent a DVD or pick out what's for dinner. Hang in there...I've been through it with my present 18 year old...17 year old...and just waiting for the 11 year old to start soon....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:22 PM on Mar. 4, 2010

  • This is exactly why those of us who have finished raising 2 or 3 or more kids through their teen years and lived to tell the tale have gray hair! Learn to pick your battles and do your best to stay calm. DON'T get dragged into those endless, drama-filled arguments that 14 year old girls are so fond of! She is at her worst right now, in a year or year and a half, it should gradually start getting better, and by the time she's 18 you can both stand to be in the same room together again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:06 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • MOM? Is this you? lol...no its normal...my mom has 4 daughters and one son...this sounds like my two sisters and a little of me but its ok..one thing my mom did wrong was let them know it bothered her..this gave them the upper hand..what you need to do is ignore er when she tries to get a reaction of you..and when you see a window of opportunity talk to her as a friend..dont jude her or give her mom advice...my mom did with me and se is my best friend...encourage her when she needs it or wants it..compliment her and just let her know you love her...this will help when teen years leaves and hopefully its better for you then my mom
    juliesmommy823

    Answer by juliesmommy823 at 1:18 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Mar. 4, 2010 by: Anonymous
    Anonymous
    SWEETY DONT THANK YOUR THE ONLY ONE , I HAVE A 13 YEAR OLD DOUGHTER THAT IS THE SAME WAY AND TRUST ME SOME TIMES I THANK ABOUT SLAPING HER HEAD OFF ! ! I COULDNT HANDLE IT ANY MORE SO I TOOK HER TO THE DR AND HE PUT HER ON MEDS THAT COLMES HER DOWN ! ! JUST HANG IN THERE ! !

    Wow. Just wow. You are a piece of work. You don't want to actively parent your child; you want to sedate her into submission.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:39 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • There is a fantastic book called Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves, by Naomi Aldort. I suspect that her philosophy may give you a different perspective on parenting. You can learn more here: www.naomialdort.com

    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:58 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Thanks for all the words of wisdom. I'm not a fan of MEDS for my daughter, I will just have to go through the motions and hope we both survive. I spoke to my mom last night and to my surprise she said "Becky you were just like that" LOL, I really don't remember being such a Diva! I did ignore her last night and I hope today is better. I had Trinity young and we both kinda grew up together and it makes it hard to punish and not take it personal when she's mean, I'm acting more like a friend then a Mom. Its time for a change!
    rcreekmo

    Answer by rcreekmo at 9:09 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

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