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Everyone PLEASE help me and my daughter.

My daughter is 16 and pregnant. (to my dismay) I have been supportive and all since she is taking this REALLY hard but 2 weeks ago when she had her 8 week ultrasound we found it it was twins. She has been extremely depressed ever since. It ry to make light of it saying twins will be fun but she is threatening to kill her self now. I know part of it is hormones. I mentioned adoption and she flipped out because she thought I was implying that she couldn't handle twins. She told me that if I didn't think she could handle them that she would just kill them(abortion) I told her that she knew our families views on that but if that's what she wanted fine. she flew of the handle again and said of course not and how could I even THINK that she would and how bad of a mother I was. I just don't know what to do with her. I ams tarting to think that keeping the babies really IS a bad idea and that even though I am totally against..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:55 AM on Mar. 5, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • If she is already 8 weeks along, abortion is too late. I am not sure if it varies by state but here in Ohio they do not do abortions past 8 weeks. It sounds like she is really emotional right now and no matter what you say you are wrong and the bad guy...typical teenager plus tough situation equals tough times ahead. I can only imagine how overwhelmed she must feel...it can be hard for an adult woman to hear that they are having twins when it wasnt even a planned pregnancy. Thank God for such an understanding mom such as yourself to be there for her. I hope she realizes one day how truly lucky she is to have a mom like you. Some mothers would have kicked thier daughter out of the house, wouldnt have gave them an option to make thier own decision. I wish you and your family the best. Hang in there and pray on it.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 10:36 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • just keep it simple. let her know that god wouldnt have given her this gift if he thought she couldnt have handled it. and you'll be there
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:57 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • abortion I am thinking that might be a good option also which just makes me angry at myself for feeling that way. This is my grandchildren! Any way. She is just so emotionally up and down about this whole situation. The boy is not in her life he ditched her at first pos test and is no where to be found. Turned out he was 20 and not 18 as he said. They had only been seeing each other for a very short amount of time and now we think his name was fake to since we can't find him. What can I do for her!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • where do you live? We have something called Pregnancy Ministries Inc. (PMI) in our are that helps teens and single moms. They would love to come along side you and and your daughter and help you through this time. I believe they offer counseling, mentoring, and practical needs.
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 8:03 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Have her talk to the doctor about the depression. Depression is common in pregnancy and there are ways to treat it. My mother in law got pregnant young with twins. It was hard, but she did an amazing job with a tough situation regarding the father (won't get into the details now though). The twins are my husband's older brothers. They are very strong, independent, and smart men. Your daughter can do this with your support. It will be hard, but it sounds like that's what she wants to do and she needs a little more encouragement from you.

    Try to avoid bringing up adoption or abortion. It sounds like all she is hearing is "You can't do this, you are going to be a bad mother." Even if that's absolutely not what you are trying to say. Tell her that you are sorry, that you aren't sure what the right thing to say is because you are not perfect either, then tell her you'll get through this as a family.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:07 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • The thought of twins is sometimes terrifying even to married women who planned their pregnancy--think how scary it is to a 16 year old with an unplanned pregnancy that she is already "taking very badly" in your own words. She is naturally depressed. She is bound to be feeling desperate and overwhelmed, to put it mildly. This is one of those times when you are going to have to step back and keep your opinions to yourself unless asked for, and then be careful what you say. An accidental pregnancy, hormones and depression are a terrible combination, but fairly common. No matter WHAT you say, she is going to take it wrong. Just keep saying, it's your choice, but I will help you with whatever you decide to do. Eventually she will hear you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:07 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Also, I just want to say, the LAST thing she should do while she is in an unstable emotional state is choose to have an abortion. It could mess her up for years to come emotionally.
    jreneei

    Answer by jreneei at 8:08 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • My daughter's future and health (mental and physical) are so much more important to me than fetuses. I would encourage my daughter to have an abortion or give the babies up for adoption. I do not see how a sixteen year old can have a good life and raise babies.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:11 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • If she feels she can not handle them, adoption is the best option. I had an abortion when I was young and I've regretted it every day of my life. My families view and my view has always opposed abortion, but when it came down to it, they suggested and supported that to me. WORST decision I ever made in my life!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:27 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Have you taken her to the crisis pregnancy center? or a place like that,that believes in life?
    They could council her about adoption. At least that way she would really know that it can be a very positive decision and all about the process etc. If that is not what she decides,then they would offer her thearpy. She really sounds like she may need some support from somebody other than MOM. If you don't get someone to talk to her then she will most likely blame you for whatever decision she makes. God Bless
    momthruivf

    Answer by momthruivf at 8:37 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

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