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How to deal with her decision

My 18 year old daughter got pregnant, and had a beautiful baby boy -- She is a responsible adult, and is taking control of the situation, and is an amazing mother to her baby -- the problem is the father is a DEADBEAT ! He was rude to her and our family during the whole pregnancy ( when he was there) and then as soon as the baby was born, he demanded a DNA test ( which my daughter had to pay for ) and of course he was the father -- he decided to start saying that it didnt mean he was the father !!!! He is 24 years old ! He said it meant we payed the DNA people or something.... Of course the results will hold up in court, but my daughter said she isnt taking him for child support and that she can support the baby without him -- which the idea of him not being there sounds nice, but I think he should have some responsibility !

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Mar. 5, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (17)
  • I have a 14 y/o son that I have rasied since birth with no help from his father. I never went after him for child support. Why? Well,when I called him to tell him about being pregnant, he really didn't care. When I called him to say I had the baby, he still didn't care. So, I figured, try for support and let him have dcide he wants rights to my son only because he has to pay or let him go and raise a wonderful, smart, healthy, emotionally secure child on my own. I chose the latter. My son has never asked about his dad, never questioned anything. He knows I did my best and he is happy and secure.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:37 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I don't know where you live so the laws may be different, but in NC getting child support does not mean you get visitation or even have a say in the child's life. Especially if there is some question as to whether or not he's a decent person/parent.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I say take him for all she can. He had sex with her, had a baby wither and is well into his twenties. If nothing else he needs to be held responsible in some way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I know that child support doesnt = visitation..... I know she is capable of doing it by herself ( with me by her side of course) ... but I know it is because i am soo mad at him, I think he should HAVE to do something, other than yell at my daughter that he is bored while she was in labor...

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I say give her time, she may change her mind. Maybe she is hoping that his eyes will open and he will change and want to be part of her and the babies life after awhile and she thinks filing for child support would just make him angry at her.After time and he shows no change...she may think differently and go file. Good Luck ma. :)

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:48 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • She'll be better off without having to deal with this guy. He obviously has no desire to be a father, but If she forces the child support issue he may force the vistation issue just to get even. I would actually suggest she take it a step further and have his rights terminated so there will never be an issue again. I think as long as a door is left open he could always decide to come into her life and make her miserable.

    I had my deadbeat ex-husband's rights revoked, and I have never been sorry about that decision. I knew he was a good-for-nothing, and I didn't want him interfering with my or my daughter's life. I knew as long as I left his rights intact there was always a possibility he would show back up and cause problems for us. He was very selfish, and he would not have felt guilty about doing things that wouuld be hurtful to my daughter just to get back at me for leaving him. Some men do not deserve to be Dad.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 AM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • If he is listed as the father, the courts can go after him regardless of what your daughter does or does not want. What she should do is have him sign over any rights.

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 12:18 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • She's not even my DD and I'm dam proud of her, I know you are too. I'd think if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby she shouldn't force it if she doesn't want his help. Although it might be in her best interests to have papers filed where he legally gives up all rights to the baby, that way he can't show up later on, after pulling his head out of his backside, and demanding to be a part of the childs life.
    Plus it will make it easier if she meets someone that wanted to adopt the baby. Just be there for her, she sounds like she's very strong, but she'll probably still need you in her corner.
    Hugs for all of you

    Answer by daisy521 at 12:50 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Zakysmommy is right if she plans on using PA of any kind. But if she is going to support herself without govenrment assistance I think it would probably be best to leave him off the birth certificate and any other offical documentation. Just put that DNA result away in case you need it in the future. If the fool drops dead use it to claim every bit of benefits and estate she can get.
    Zakysmommy keep in mind that the state won't get in your business if you don't stick your hand out for support.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • She should file for child support, and save that money for her child's college education.

    Answer by rkoloms at 5:08 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

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