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Should I apologize to his ex?

My relationship with XX started when we were both married to other people. We fell in love with each other and decided to leave our spouses. We've been separated from our spouses for over a year. His ex is in a new relationship but it doesn't seem to alleviate the animosity she feels toward us.

His ex-wife wrote me a letter, which I never received because she decided not to send it to me. I assume the letter is to tell me how horrible I am to do this to her family and to call me every name in the book. She told XX that she decided not to send the letter because she feels that I should be the one to contact her .

What should I do? Is it worth getting into an argument with her? Would it be better to just avoid each other? Is there anything I can say that would make her feel better? How can I take the full responsibility for their breakup when he wasn't in love with her and cheated before? Help...

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Mar. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • You can apoligize but she'll never forgive you, you broke up her family, what would you do if someone came in and took your DH away from you

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Well, if you two started having sex while you were married to other people, you both seriously messed up and you are both homewreckers and guilty of being adulterers. Your husband should write to your ex-husband and apologize, and you should write to his ex-wife and apologize. Put yourselves in their shoes. You know you did wrong and you know you would feel like sh*t if it happened to you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I would apologize for your part in it especially if they have children, that was a shitty thing to do. You can't really say enough because you probably permanently damaged those kids and she knows it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:12 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • If she actually wrote you a letter then told her x she decided not to give it to you,that you should be the one to contact her first, I would think that door is open.
    OTHERWISE...if she did NOT say this..I would leave it alone. 5 years ago my husband cheated on me with the woman she is currently with and she left her husband too.To this day I don't even want that woman to walk in my house...or call me on the phone unless it is an emergency with my son while he is over there and she has no choice. I have nothing to say to the woman.She has tried to talk to me before and I just don't want anything to do with her. I think she is a backstabbing homewrecker and she can stay as far away from me and my family as possible. I deal with her in a quiet manner,no rudeness or insults because of my son and that is the ONLY reason.I don't want to hear her apology..why?So she can be forgiven and feel better about what she did?Thats me tho.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 12:14 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • First of all, unless you are REALLY sorry for what you did, don't apologize. That's not something you should do just because you think that's what she wants to hear. Second of all, I believe she will eventually forgive you, especially since she is already in the process of moving on, it might take some time, but it will happen. Trust me, I have personal experience with being on her end of a situation like this. Just be civil.kind to her any time you have to deal with her, unless she approaches you don't bring it up and give her some time. There's not much you can say to justify what you did, there's not much you can say that will satisfy whatever she's looking for. If you really feel bad, say sorry, but don't offer much more than that it will only lead to more questions or an argument. And if you do contact her, be prepared for whatever negative comments she may have for you, put yourself in her place.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • no dont apologize. it isnt worth it, shell never forgive you or her ex husband. and she needs to separate herself from the loser ex husband.... and you, who i am sure he'll cheat on too. shes hurt. and the last person that can fix it, is you. worry about your own life and stop messing in other peoples.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • You're right to an extent, he wasn't in love with his wife I"m sure some girl would have come along and he would have left her anyways.
    However, you're BOTH wrong for doing that to your spouses and yes I think you should apologize. What you BOTH did was disgusting, even if you're happy now, two families were turned upside down.
    I don't know why you're asking for help, you did this to yourself. Now you need to be the adult and acknowledge your fault and apologize to this woman. She has every right to hate you but maybe your apologizing is something she needs to help move on. You BOTH need to apologize to both parties.

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 12:14 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I'd leave things alone just worry about your own backyard...that is what I would do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • She is upset, angry and bitter...and she has reason to be. I know all these answers look the same to you but don't write it off...its just the truth.
    You "could" write a letter to her apologizing for breaking up her family but it doesn't sound like it would be sincere apology so why do it? Not loving your wife isn't an excuse to cheat....he could have worked on their marriage or gotten a divorce before getting involved with you. Thats what you would want him to do with you if this cycle were to repeat itself.
    I don't some soul searching and decide what is best...but it will take a long time of healing, not just a letter or some words of apology.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 12:17 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • It really doesn't matter if he was in love with her or not when they split up, you both were married, and neither of you respected that. All long lasting marriages go through ups and downs, and many of them could be saved if instead of getting involved with another person, people put that energy into their marriage. But, even if the marriage is over, it's wrong to get involved with someone who is married until they've actually filed for a divorce.

    Should you apologize, only if you really are sorry and ready to take responsibility for what you actually did. I wonder how your ex would feel about an apology from your new husband? How has he handled the situation. How would you feel if this was done to about what you both did to any children involved?

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:33 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

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