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Am I letting my 16 yr. old manipulate me? (I think yes)

Wow I have a similar situation with my 16 yr. old son! He's an honor roll student,in every imaginable program that will make it possible for him to go to college,does volunteer work....but at home he's a completely different kid...disrespectful,rude.and argues every time he's asked to do something.I let him do far more than i probably should because ,as I said ,over all he IS a good kid, no drugs, getting in trouble.But I feel like he is just walking all over me.If I tell him no when he wants to do something he comes back with...'.I've been working so hard in school I deserve it" It's hard to say no because I'm afraid he'll start slipping on his grades and I want him to know that I am proud of him.He's also been being VERY hurtful with the way he speaks to me.

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flowerchid72

Asked by flowerchid72 at 4:07 PM on Mar. 5, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Wow as I was reading what I wrote it hit me like a slap in the face YES MOST DEFINITELY AM ALLOWING HIM TO MANIPULATE ME! Man.. what a push over I am...But how to I change this???
    flowerchid72

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 4:09 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I think you need to put a stop to it. As an adult he will have a lot of responsibilities but still cant come home and be rude to his wife. He needs to learn balance. Maybe he is overwhelmed, maybe he needs more free time. Maybe he is trying to earn your approval by achieving so much, or he is just using an excuse to treat you like that. Kids are going to try to get away with this behavior but you need to require he treat you with respect. I remember treating my parents like that af ew times and they didnt say teens will be teens! They put a stop to it. i think him trying it is normal and you stopping it is the right thing to do :) Good Luck!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 4:19 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • It was not that long ago that I was 16. I guess when it comes to a teenager you need to communicate with him. I know that the one thing that made me stop and think about my behavior is when my mom told me that she was disapointed with whatever it was that i was doing that made her unhappy. Tell him that while you are proud of him for keeping his grades up and being a good member of the community it is still important that he treat you with respect. Tell him that it hurts you when he talks to you like he does and as far as him not doing things around the house or going out I guess you really have to pick your battles. At 16 he is coming into his own and discovering who he is. Have a nice chat with him and have a heart to heart. One on one. If you bring Dad or Gram into it he may feel like he is being ganged up on. Just some advice from his perspective. I hope it works. It did for my mom and me. Good Luck!
    IvoryRaven09

    Answer by IvoryRaven09 at 4:23 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I think the problem is that we agree with our kids that they are good and work hard and get good grades and all that and a part of us wants them to do and go where they want and be happy. I know for me it is that. Mine isn't disrepectful like that,it is more me not wanting to disappoint her. But I have taken everything away and made sure she did the things I ask around the house and what not. Earlier I wrote that I thought I was weak, and after some time and bashing, I figured out I'm not weak so much as nice. I always told my kids that if your honest and fair with me, I'll be honest and fair with you. And the truth is that is what is happening. They don't ask for things that are out of line, and because of that I don't say no. We communicate at a very open level about everything and that helps. my girls know what is expected of them and their friends. They only get away with the stuff we let them. cont.
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Does he know how you feel about all this? I have told my girls how they make me feel, and when something is not allowed. Yes I let her do things I would never have asked my mother to do, but I don't really like my mother. And I don't want her to every say that about me, I am not her friend and have said no from time to time, but she has learned to not even ask for the things she know I 'll say no to. Let your son know it is easier for you to let him get his way when you in return get the things you want. Starting with respect! Good luck to us all!!!
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 6:28 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • YES, he is manipulating you and you need to stop it now.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:48 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • wow he sounds like my mom. She used to scream at me that she had to be nice to everyone at work and she wasn't going to be nice at home and for me to deal with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I have heard our pastor speak about how kids these days are becoming more narcissistic. They feel entitlement.  Set your boundaries and stick to them.  Pray, pray for strength as you discipline bad behavior.  You are to mold him and instruct him to be courteous, kind, polite, humble, appreciative, thankful and respectful.  God bless you!!

    JCRestoredme

    Answer by JCRestoredme at 5:43 PM on Mar. 7, 2010

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