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Married to someone you cheated with?

Is it impossible to find happiness with the person you cheated with? My fiance' and I were married before and cheated on our spouses with each other. People are constantly warning me that it's bad karma and he will cheat again. Is it true that "once a cheater, always a cheater"? Should I bail now before I take the next step? Can two people meet, fall in love and be happy with bad history? Are we doomed for failure?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Mar. 5, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Every situation is different, the cosmos are not set up against you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • If he'll cheat with you then he'll cheat on you. But I guess the same could be said about you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Life is what you make of it. If you cheat on your fiance than you will further prove the "once a cheater always a cheater" theory to be right. If you two realize the mistakes you made in the past and work hard on this relationship, than you will be sucessful.
    You are with someone who you already know has the ability (and lack of respect) to cheat on someone he loves. And visa versa. History will repeat itself unless you both work hard to change.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • Exactly. I could say the same about you. If a man cheats on his wife with me, then that shows he doesn't find it hard to cheat...and obviously can't feel much guilt. I think he could cheat again, just as I think you could cheat on him. I don't think relationships like this can ever work. Ever. Good luck there honey bunny

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I certainly don't think it's the right way to start off a relationship, and frankly, it shows a lack of respect and common decency from BOTH of you... I don't know why people are warning you though, you did the same thing! So I suppose you could ask yourself the same thing, if the excitement of it all starts to wear off, if you two have arguments, or things in general just get a little hard, will you do the same thing? Will you look for something more exciting outside of your marriage? You both cheated on people you promised to be faithful too, and ended up breaking that promise. If you would find yourself in a similar situation with this guy, would either one of you react the same? Would either one of you rather run off and cheat than solve whatever the issue is, or do the decent thing and either work on the marriage, or end the relationship before starting a new one? Only you two can answer that...

    Answer by Anouck at 4:33 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I met my exdh in a situation like that. We we married over 10 years so I thought I didnt have anything to worry about, that he wouldnt do that to me. Well guess what.. He did.. Cheated on me with a girl he had been emailing with for 2 years.. I was clueless! Needless to say, we got divorced not long after that.
    We are now both remarried. Guess what? He is always trying to get me to go off and hook up with him.. Umm NOOO!!! That tiger hasnt changed his stripes.. His new wife just hasnt figured it out yet.. My dh thinks he is a total jerk.
    That is just my story. Cant tell you how yours would be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • i was with someone when i met my dh... but my relationship with my x was very sad.. roomate almost we both knew we were together all because of our dd we knew it was over and it was a matter of time..i met a man who was friends with a friend we hooked up, fell in love moved in together and married. it has now been 7 yrs and neiher of us ever think would they do it to me/him my dh knew what was going on in my life and understood everything.. i am not worried about my dh as i know he is not with me..we still look forward to our 20 anniversary in the future... it worked out for me and him. me and my dd are happyer and safer. it is possible to be with someone who cheated with u. im happy and so is he. i swear to u on this.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:06 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I met my DH when I was with another man. I new my boyfriend was not the one, I just didn't know how to end it. I just sank further into the stagnant relationship. I didn't sleep with him when I was still with my ex, but I did fall in love with him. My circle of friends were very tight with my boyfriend, my best friend was marring his cousin. Any when I broke up with him I had to leave all of my old life behind. I had to get a new apartment, car, and leave all my friends behind. I guess they were never really my friends, they just wanted me to stay with him whether or not I was happy. My husband is a wonderful man who supports me in everything I do. I never imagined being this happy and I never regret my decision. We're expecting our second daughter in June. I honestly never felt loved until I met him.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:17 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • i believe people cheat because there looking for something that they are not getting in their current relationship my ex cheated on me with the women that is now his wife they seem really happy and are trying to start a family
    i hope it works out well for you

    Answer by liadotwtd at 5:45 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

  • I don't believe in "once a cheater always a cheater". I think when we fall in love with the right person cheating isn't an issue.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 5:52 PM on Mar. 5, 2010

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