Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

When will this get easier?

This is to update and hopefully get some postive support for my situation. So I am in my 2nd trimester( 3 months) now and still haven't heard from " sperm donor". He did get married and is leaving USA ( he is in USAF)in about a month to be with his wife. I heard this from people that the wife also doesn't know about his cheating. ( he got me pregnant when he was engaged). Okay I know I am just hurting myself by doing this-but I look at thier profile on myspace. Both of them blog and thier excitment in hopefully becoming parents together. They are desperate to have a baby asap. I am sad becasue I still do care for the jerk and the fact that he doesnt want anything to do with our unborn child is devastating. I am already having a difficult pregnancy physically and the emotional part is tiredsome and draining. It's takinga toll on my quality of life right now. Any words of encouragement would be nice or heck even negative.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on Mar. 6, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I'd be posting on his page that I'd be needing some forwarding information on him for the DNA results of the baby, and ask if he wants to go ahead and leave some of his blood for that, or if he wants to fly back home when the baby is born, or if the military will handle sending it to be tested so your child will be on his next of kin, and receiving benefits from the military.
    I'm sorry but she needs to know that not only did he sleep with someone else while they were engaged/together, but he's acting like he's so desperate to have a child when he already has one on the way (I'd have to be 100% certain that there was no possible way he wasn't the Dad before I did it tho).
    If my ex had a page, I'm sure I'd go look at it just to see how he's doing, but if he has one I don't know about it, and don't want to know about it so that I don't go and look... I'm wishing you so much luck with the pregnancy and delivery Mama

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:06 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • You know you are really better off with out him, right. If he did this to his wife. He would have done this to you. I hope you are going to get childsupport from him? Just try to think about YOUR baby.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:01 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I'm sorry to say that these are the occupational hazards of being the other woman.  Like the pp said, you are better off without him because chances are he would have cheated on you too.


    Answer by beeky at 7:52 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • As soon as the baby is born, you need to get a DNA test. Once paternity is established, then you need to contact the Air Force.

    It's not just about child support - as the dependent of an Active Duty member (even with you having custody, your baby will be considered his dependent) - your child will be entitled to health care through Tricare (there are various kinds - and they can also be seen at a military medical clinic if that's what you opt for). There's also dental care and other benefits that go with that.

    I know this doesn't help you emotionally, but it will help you provide for your child down the way.

    good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:29 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Get a DNA test when the baby is born. There is NO guarantee that the child will be qualified for Tricare (med insurance) when we added my stepson to DEERS they required my husband to have at least 50% custody of SS or hubby had to be married to the mother before they would add him. We had to show court papers, his BC and his social security card. (This may have changed in three years) But, you will be entitled to child support that the military will be sure you get. The military will also assist him in getting visitation with his child and it won't be supervised either, wherever he is. Anyways, just thought I would throw my experience with DEERS and Tricare in there. I would also have it put in the court papers that your child is entitled to some percentage of his/her father's life insurance should he die. Good luck!


    Answer by matthewscandi at 11:06 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • She needs to know what kind of man he is. She also needs to know she has a step child coming and will be partially responsible for providing for the wee one. You should not be going through this alone. btw, there are groups on CM for women in your situation if you don't already belong to one. No judgment, just emotional support.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:06 AM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Um, before you go announcing your pregnancy to the new bride, you might want to consider the possibility that they will sue you for full custody.  Just food for thought, you know the players better than we do.


    Answer by beeky at 3:45 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I agree with Louise. And if you do tell them about the baby, be prepared for him to want a paternity test and fight for custody. Best wishes to you.

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:38 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • @@@@@ Why would he want to seek custody if he already said he doesn't want anything to do with the baby, is because he wants lower child support payments? There is no doubt in my mind he is the father. i loved him and only him. I am scared now-what if he seeks custody and take the child oversea? Worried!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Mar. 11, 2010