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Selfish?

My DH and I have been talking about having another baby. I told him that I do not want to have any more babies after I turn 25 (i am 23 now) because I already have a 5 year old and if we wait they could be nearly 8 years apart and I would like for my children to actually have a close relationship. He says its not big deal because him and his youngest brother are 10 yrs apart but I also pointed it out to him that they do not have a close relationship at all and my brother and I are 6 years apart and are just now building a reltionship because he is getting older and easier to get along with.

My DH said this is being selfish, but I dont think it is or is it?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 PM on Mar. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • just because you have kids close together doesn't mean they will have a close relationship.
    my brother and I are a year apart and we DO NOT have a relationship.

    but no, I don't think it's selfish at all, you're thinking about your kids' relationship, not yours. If you said it was because of something you wanted to do for YOU it might be selfish. But not this situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:08 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • It is not selfish , but to me the age gap is not the issue it is how you and your husband teach the children to get along with each other.
    lynne3325

    Answer by lynne3325 at 12:13 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I don't think it's selfish at all. My SO and I are going through this same thing right now, he has a 9 year old, I have a 4 and 2 year old, and I don't want to wait any longer to have another, my only issue is that I'm going to be 25 next month :(
    kyuteangl88

    Answer by kyuteangl88 at 12:13 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • It's not selfish, but it is amazingly illogical. You can't predict how kids are going to relate to one another based on anecdotal information.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • You're not selfish. You do have a point. Also, you might want to point out that the baby days are not easy and they really will not be easy the older you and your DH get.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I don't see it as you being selfish but just because you want your kids to be close in age does not mean they are going to get along. I'm a year older than my sister and we're close but not really because we are polar opposites. She's girlie and likes rap, I'm into gothic stuff and heavy metal. My children are an EXACT year apart and they don't get along with each other half the time. When my son wants to play by himself for a little while his sister is always trying to invade his space and i have to seperate them constantly. It all depends on what you teach them not their age difference.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • That makes no sense you want your kids to be close so your going to wait until they are 8 years apart even though neither you or your husband have that good of a relationship with your brothers... i don't think he is selfish for wanting another baby.. if he is a good active father then u should be grateful if your ready financially
    Jan0609momma

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 12:53 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • OP here: thanks ladies, I understand that they might not get along but i think a massive age gap sure isnt going to help. I just dont want a huge age gap between them, and no I am not going to wait till they are 8 years apart...thats what I am trying to avoid. I dont want them to be anymore then 8 years apart thats why I dont want to have anymore after 25.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Just because they are close in age does not automatically mean they will get along. My oldest is 13 and my youngest is 3 and they are very close. Me and my sister are a year apart and we can barely tolerate each other.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 3:40 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Mine are 4 1/2 yrs apart, both female... and they don't get along. My oldest is very jealous of the younger one. I'd have thought about almost 5 years she'd be happy to have a sister, but she still tells me she didn't want a little sister and wishes she was still the only child.
    No guarantees on anything, depends on the relationship you have with your first, will there be jealousy now where there may not be in a few more years? Hard to say... but ultimately it's your choice how you plan out your family :) Different things work for different families.
    I am hoping someday my girls will be very close and have a good relationship without either one of them thinking I might love the other one more, or do more for the other even tho I try really hard to buy them the exact same thing (sometimes I do different colors, I even get them the same clothes most of the time to stop the fights). Again, no guarantees
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:58 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

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