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My husband can't see he is being controlling how can I show him

I have a bussiness that has odd hours , pet sitting and dog walking , sometimes I have to work over the weekend.
When he wants to do something I am suppose to neglect my clients and go and do what he wants to do, I get annoyed as I feel like I am letting my clients down and we end up fighting as I regret going with him.
Tonight he wants to go to see Romeon and Juliet for a couple of hours I agreed to go and now he has added dinner at the start of the evening which I don't want to leave the pets alone that long I am paid to stay with them, he can't see that this is important.
I want to tell him to go to dinner by himself and then pick me up.

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Asked by lynne3325 at 12:17 PM on Mar. 6, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • The problem here is he doesn't see your bussiness as a real job; he doesn't value what you do. I suspect you've already told him that this bothers you, but if not start there. Tell him this IS your REAL job, and you need him to respect and support that. Ask him how he would feel if you started demanding he do things with you during his work hours. Ask him if he would prefer you be irresponsible with your own bussiness and set that sort of an example for your children.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • both of your priorities seem a little screwed.. he should respect that your working hard and taking care of clients.. but you should try to say your not available such and such day so that you make time for him... if you don't stroke the fire it'll eventually burn out... he doesn't sound controlling so much as your not getting everything you want so your upset... communication is everything.. try it.. maybe with a third party?

    Answer by Jan0609momma at 12:42 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • He knew I was working he has done this before it is as if he comes first and what he wants to do.
    he has even rushed me through walking a dog so he could drop me off at home in order for him to go do something instead of letting me get home by myself.
    I do tell him what i have planned but he does not listen the counsellor has said he is selfish but he does not listen I am leaving him for good I can't put up with this as it is not the only area he does this i have no idea where the money goes either.

    Thank you for your input.

    Answer by lynne3325 at 12:48 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • idk but your husband isnt selfish for wanting some time with you. leaving him is a bit drastic. you have a dh who is wanting to spend time with you! mabe look for a different job?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I think you are giving me an answer as if this was the only thing he controlled , since I have been in this country I have lost 4 jobs due to trying to cater for him taking off early to be with him cause he could not cope by himself etc.
    My job is not the problem he is the problem needs to be more caring , what if I went to his work and said that he needs to come home as I need to talk about my problems all the time.
    He only wants to be with me when he wants to be with me, I am not even allowed in my own home on sundays as that is his time to do things without me being around, I have to leave from 10am until 6pm to do what I am not sure, if he wants something the money is their if I do it is we don't have any money.
    So it is not drastic it if being realistic I need to be able to relax and at the moment I am a rubber band ready to break around him

    Answer by lynne3325 at 4:42 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I'm sorry but in a business you need to have standard hours, or a schedule so that you can make plans outside of your business. What do you do when the kids have school functions? Friends over? My husband is self employed and sometimes we do have to go look at a job on a weekend or pick up a set of plans etc in the evening. He used to let the business run his life, but after having the kids, it took him a couple of years but he finally realized that these kids are only young once and you better enjoy life with them now, and with each other, because eventually, the time has passed you by and you won't have memories of anything but working all the time.
    Money is great, but family is everything. Yes sometimes he still has to work on weekends, sometimes things do pop up but you gotta make time for each other.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 5:50 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • it is not about spending time with me as if I was not working like last weekend he could not care less if I walked the streets it is different and we don't have children and are not likely to have children together.
    I only work say once a month on the weekend not all the time so this is different then what you are saying.
    It is not about the money to me it is about my enjoyment and also about me doing what I want for a change for 5 years of our marriage I have been doing what he wants even losing jobs that were normal 9. to 5 jobs to be at his beck and call because he could not cope with life and fix things when he could not due to him putting off doing things.
    I have even waited for over a half an hour for him to pick me up from a place that is less then 5 mins from where he was, he was in the bathroom all the time making sure he looked fine to drive to get me then go back home.

    Answer by lynne3325 at 7:57 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Ahhh, then why are you on cafe mom if you don't have children?

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:46 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • because I have children from a previous relationship , marriage that are grown up, these children he also choose to not having anything to do with.
    So he is a lost cause at the moment only trying to get him help with a counsellor at the moment as I can't cope with his outbursts, like last night I went to the ballet with him and on the way home he unplugged the megelan and threw it in my bag as he didn't think it was taking him the right way.

    Answer by lynne3325 at 12:35 PM on Mar. 7, 2010

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