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How much do we provide for an unambitious boyfriend?

Boy is 23. Daughter is 19. He has been in foster homes ages 11-16 then on his own. He has been living between divorced parents but has been kicked out of there. Did not graduate high school. Every opportunity to be successful is not embraced. Everything he has my daughter has given him. Clothes, a small business loan, rides, babysitting. Oh yes he has a 4 year old. He has no ambition to improve. He has no place to live, He has no money. Could work just doesn't
We allowed him to sleep here but his presence has caused turmoil in our home. He leaves during the night. He abuses himself with cigarettes, pot and alcohol.
We recently had enough and asked him to leave. My daughter is pleading with us now to let him stay because he has no where to go. How much do we help? We really do not want him for our daughter but were christian enough to try. When will he get it and help himself?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:07 PM on Mar. 6, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • He's not your responsibility. If he was gonna change,he would have done it already.
    TMJ121099

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 8:09 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • sometimes people just don't get it until there is no one there to help.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • helping is telling him to get a job and live on his own. he CAN help himslef at this point.
    angevil53

    Answer by angevil53 at 8:13 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • If he was looking to better himself he would have already with all the wonderful opportunities you have given him. He's an adult and apparently unwilling to get his life together. Time to stop trying to help some one who doesn't want to be helped. Do not let him come back. Your daughter will thank you later on...trust me.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 8:14 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I don't care if he is the top college scholar - what are you thinking allowing him to sleep in your home? Is your daughter prepared to become a mother? They are having sex but why make it easy? Get your daughter on the pill if she isn't already.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Tell your dd that y'all are enabling him. He has to figure out his life for himself.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:54 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • Why is your daughter dating this loser? Kick him out. I never would have allowed him in in the first place.
    vicki77433

    Answer by vicki77433 at 9:13 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I agree, what is he even doing in the home if they are not married????? And by kicking him out, you are not only protecting your daughter, but should also teach her a bit about what a leader of the household looks like - and not looks like - since that is what she should be searching instead of this foolish boy.

    Good luck, mama :-)
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 9:47 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • I think what you have done for him is and has been good for him... But you know what he needs right now is tough love. I know you and your family cared for this boy but he is not a boy he is a man. You need to tell him that he has 30 days to get a job and to start paying rent or he is out. and if your daughter wants to go with him then let her know that she has a place to come back to. but you have raise your kids you are not about to raise him.
    And if you contenue withthis what you are doing then you are saying to him walk all over us, love to have you around...
    Then that way he won't learn how to take care of him self because he has you. and if he has some one to make life easy for him then why go out ther and work.
    don't tell your daughter that you don't want her to be with him. just tell you that you just want her happy no matter what.She will soon find out what kind of man he really is. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Mar. 6, 2010

  • i would make conditions on him staying
    the FIRST condition would be to not only attend church, but to attend some sort of counceling...i would bet that boy has a TON of emotional issues he is not dealing with
    the next condition would be to contribute to the household
    i would make up a contract and make all parties involved sign it
    make sure he understands that if the contract is broken, he leaves
    i would also talk to your daughter and persuade her(cause you know you cant force this) that if he breaks the contract he is essentially saying he doesnt care about HER either and to stop seeing him
    comptonkids

    Answer by comptonkids at 1:52 AM on Mar. 7, 2010

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