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Is it bad if I tell people I'm my children's birthmom even if I'm not?

I've raised them since they were babies. They're teens now. They ARE my children. They have nothing to do with their bm and she's completely out of their life. She's a skank and I don't want her having credit for my children. They don't even look like her, they look like me! I don't like people knowing that I didn't give birth to them, because they loot at me differently, like I'm not "really" their mom.

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:50 PM on Jun. 26, 2008 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • Just say you're their mother and leave it at that. If it's somebody you know casually, you're not entitled to tell them anything. If it's somebody who's become close to you, you might want to eventually tell them your story. My sister in law has adopted two girls. She doesn't explain to everyone she meets that she isn't their birth mother. It's nobody's business but your own.

    Answer by lovinmystar at 3:08 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Sometimes my step-dad introduces me as his daughter, never really specifying either way. He raised me since I was 10. Unless someone specifically asks if they are 'really' yours, then just introduce yourself as their mom. No big deal. People don't need to know the specifics of your family dynamic. If someone asks you specifically and you don't want to tell them, just say "I raised them since they were babies, they are MY children." and leave it at that.

    Answer by sapient at 3:15 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I adopted 2 boys and one of them when turning the legal age to find his parents said this to me " I have the only mom and dad I ever needed and thats you two" I dont care to know the woman who gave birth to me or the man that helped make me...That made me feel so blessed inside to know MY son loved me that much and to this day hes 26 and still doesnt want to know his B parents..I am indeed a lucky mom with him..My other son met his mom because it was a private adoption but she doesnt come around him much and has other children now that she kept..his father has seen him once and thats all..Hes almost 22 now...

    Answer by mistysnnc at 5:37 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Um NO..You shouldn't tell people that your the birth mother.Just be honest and tell the truth, why lie. There is a woman that has my two kids because I needed to get my life together.When I did she won't let me talk to them on the phone only when they call here wanting to talk to their sister that I do have. I just want to be a part of their life's.She has told lies on me he stills tells everyone that I am a bad person, she even had my daughter that lives with her to call me "smoking mommy" because I smoke cigs. For my son's birthday just this pat may she had him to ask me if I would sigh adoption papers. So if the mom wants to be a part of their life's then let her please, if she don't then if all parties agree that is what is best for the kids. Then I do that,but if your just doing to be a bad person please don't.

    Answer by dulcedelarosa at 7:33 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I'm sorry that you're in that situation, however it's very different than mine. Thank you to the other ladies.

    I guess I just feel self concious. My kids tell everyone I'm their mom, only of of my daughter's friends even knows that I'm not. My son could care less, he's a boy, ha, he and his friends don't talk about that kind of stuff.

    I just always feel bad when I talk to other moms. My son and my daughter are 1 1/2 years apart, then there's four years between my daughter and my first born son. People always ask if we had trouble getting pregnant again. I feel bad telling the truth because I feel people then think I really only have 4 kids instead of 6. But I've had them their whole lives. I also feel bad lying. I don't know. Maybe I'm just too paranoid or something or I guess I just want so much to have given birth to them. It doesn't make any difference, but maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty? If that's what it is I feel.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Jun. 28, 2008

  • I understand where you're coming from, and your situation, a birth mom is who gave birth, you did not give birth, BUT you did do all the mothering and nuturing, they are your children. I would not say birth mother,but would refer to them as they are my children, and rightly so, or, I am their mother. I have stepchildren, and I refer to them as my sons and daughters, and my current husband refers to my girls as his daughters. My eldest is adopted, and the only reason I may mention that she is adopted is when people are viewing the pictures and I tell them that we were not able to have children and we adopted and then I became pregnant and had twins. She is from El Salvador so there is a difference between the 3 girls, it doesn't bother me, but God gave us the gift of adopting and the gift of birthing and I share the story that I find to be a blessing.

    Answer by LuvMyTatts at 12:29 PM on Sep. 7, 2008

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