Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why is my ex-husband being such a jerk because he has a new girlfriend?

We divorced in may '07 got back together and just split up again in june '08 but now he has this girlfriend who acts like my kids mom and he won't even talk civil with me anymore about the kids.(we have known each other all of our lives) It always turns in to a huge argument and name calling? Why is he acting this way?

Answer Question

Asked by laj1172 at 11:43 AM on Sep. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • He feels guilty. And he is acting this way to cover up whatever it is that he feels guilty over.And her steping in as the new mom, makes his life easier.Why should he act like a good dad, when he can sit back and relax.I learned all this because I'm a step mom and second wife too.Who had to step up and parent his kid.

    Answer by evelynwest at 11:49 AM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • I wish I knew!! My ex did the same thing. He was totally different to me after he met his gf, who by the way is a total skank!

    Answer by LittleBoysMom at 11:49 AM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • Why are you acting this way? No offense.... but that was the question I had to ask myself when my ex and I went through this same thing. Then we went through it again when he found out that I was getting married again..... feelings and emotions are just raw right after a breakup and its worse when you have to communicate with them. All that you can do is to get control of yourself, realize that he knows exactly where you buttons are and he knows exactly how and when to push them; and start rearranging them. OMGosh, you're going through the toughest period of a breakup, I'm so sorry I had hoped that I'd be the last woman to ever have to do that. Work on you darling, and start learning to let him go to be the 'jerk' he's decided to be. It's hard, but it's possible.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 11:50 AM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • usually this happens when he feelas guilty, or ashamed. I guess maybe he could also be very immature. Sorry this is happening, probably doesn't feel to godd for you. Sorry huny.

    Answer by ShyMom2307 at 11:54 AM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • Ladies, let us not resolve to calling other women skanks or whores. What if you were the second woman? Let us not lower ourselves [are we not the smarter out of the sexes?]. Listen, you need to remain calm even when your ex starts to rile up. Explain to him that his girlfriend stepping in as the kids mom is unexceptable. You need to create boundaries with him. As a second woman [does that make me a skank littleboysmom?], I had to step in because the children were unruly. Logan would destroy [litterally] his room when he got angry while Justin just let him. Maybe she wants to prove to your ex that she is welcoming to accept your children into her heart, honestly what would you rather have....a mean, cruel stepmother who might yell and physically harm your children, or someone who would like to accept and love your children just as much as either of you?

    Answer by cthorn14 at 11:56 AM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • It is inevitable that [if they do] get married, she will become a second parent, she will have boundaries and rules and you will have to accept that. Unless your children are in harm, try to accept it nonetheless. But try to explain to your ex how you feel and if he resorts to lowering himself to name calling, remain silent until his tirade is over and then continue to breach the subject.

    Answer by cthorn14 at 11:56 AM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • just stop talking to him till he is ready to be civil ok. i bet your trying to control the situation that can't be controlled. it sucks that there is another women in your childrens lives but you can't control that. so you will have to find a way to deal with the new feelings and just be nicer to your kids to make up for what they might be lacking from their father's new relationship.

    Answer by melody77 at 2:29 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • My ex was the same way. He let his wife take control of everything. Because like cthorn14 posted" she was trying to prove" to him that she could be a good step-mom. Well to make a long story short. 6 yrs later her true colors came out.. he divorced her because she started saying mean things about our daughter..she called her an ugly little bitch,and said that she was going to be a slut,looser just like her mom (meaning me) my daughter is only 10. He and I have good communication now, but he tells me he was that way with me because that was his was of covering up the feelings he always had for me. You definitely need to put a stop the name calling. He needs to be man enough and give you the respect you deserve.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Sep. 19, 2008

  • Been there done that....Ex and I were best friends from grade school on. But when we 'took a break' she was an opportunist and was looking for a daddy for her toddler son, and when my ex was 'unattached' she came on to him and had screwed him in the first night they went out. We had known this girl since school as well. At this time I had two children with him..preg with number 3. She knew this. When it came time for my baby to be born, my ex wasn't allowed to call me, or be there. Actually the baby 'wasn't' his. Now my ex and I talk when she's not in earshot about the kids so she's not so whinny about him wanting to be involved in our childrens lives, ya know it takes away from her kids.. Its just petty, when I found out about her I told him adios and let her keep the trash...

    Answer by kjb9585 at 3:03 AM on Oct. 29, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.