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Why do I feel such guilt all of the time?!?

If I don't work and stay home, I feel guilty for not doing more, not to mention feeling broke. If I work, I feel like the most detached mother ever! I know I must be going crazy, because people do it every day..they work and have children. I find myself resenting my Fiance for being such a slow poke at the "Grown Man" thing always putting me in a position to carry the load 99% of the time. It obvious he doesn't want to be a full on head of household if it means he has to take care of a family and let me be a mom. I'm so emotionally distraught over all of this that I can't even think clearly. I'm greatly concerned for my 3 and 5 year old..because they've expressed their dislike for my work schedule and their behavior is worsening. What do I do? Sit on welfare until they start school? Sometimes I feel like that's the only way to make sure your children feel they have their mom around these days! Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:06 PM on Mar. 8, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • The key is making peace with your situation....when you work, you feel like you should be home. If you felt you were doing the right thing by working, you would not feel guilty. I think the resentment towards your fiance is also contributing...you feel that he SHOULD be doing what he has to do so that you don't have to work. What kind of schedule are you on?
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 2:09 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • I'm so sorry you are in this crappy situation. What would happen if he was forced to pay child suppport rather than "contribute as he sees fit."
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • I'm so angry with him. Since day one he has always done the minimum or nothing at all..on top of that I've picked up the pieces from his drinking problem..his abusive behavior..and self entitlement (which still hasn't gone away). I can never rest easy, because if he ever gets a job, he doesn't keep it long. He's so unreliable, and I'm so through with it..but at the same time...I will be left with little child support and the same dilemma. I won't be able to be around in order to shape my children and make them feel secure...I'll have to work all the time just to sustain a life. I realize and take responsibility that I made bad choices leading up to this point with a little boy rather than a man..but I have truly always been dedicated to my children while daddy was off being selfish. Matter of fact he's been in a hotel since NYE because that's how much I won't allow it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • Constant false promises crowd my life..and I'm stupid for believing in him..but I cannot for the life of me figure out how I'm going to be around for my kids in the way I want to be, and make a living.

    Thank you so much for your responses.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • Stop reading the posts on this site; make responsibly desicions and know you're doing the best you can for you & your family...then the guilt will fade.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • I'm close to being in your situation and I'm sitting on welfare til my sons go to school. It was either work my ass off 50-60 hours per week and struggle and miss their early years or you work really part time, go to school part time, and collect welfare for a bit and don't miss their early childhoods. I chose school etc. If I had better career options I would've gone to work. I'm in school part time to make my career options better.

    Don't stay in a dead relationship and don't make yourself miserable trying to work 60 hours a week to stay afloat. Go back to school and improve your options and then go to work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • IMO, work is a surface problem that is stressfull and demanding enough that it clouds the real problem. Your husband seems more like a discruntel room mate. You have little support from him. If you and he could back eachother up and be friends you work schedule would be a source od guilt.

    I little to offer in the advise department other than communication will save any relationship. It either makes it stronger or it will lead in seprate ways but no matter which way your choose you have a solution.
    Ihatelaundry

    Answer by Ihatelaundry at 5:42 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

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