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I am so hurt right now

Oh yes, I am mad and disappointed too. But mostly hurt. My husband is BAD with money. BAD. We live with my MIL, pay no rent, electricity, gas, water, cable, internet, none of that. We have a van payment and insurance, storage for all our stuff, cell phones. But even that's too much. My "H" made $1200 on Friday the 5th. He was over $1000 overdrawn so that only left us $200. After the "pending" things go through we'll be $300 overdrawn. this doesn't even begin to include bills that will go out automatically between now and next payday. but as infuriating as all that is, the worst part, I'm not even supposed ot know. I hacked into his online account(I don't know the password, and I'm not on the account). we used ot get paper notices in the mail, so I at least knew we overdrawn and by how much. We haven't been getting those. but I thought we finally on good standing. Turns out he just stopped the paper notices. con't

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:58 PM on Mar. 8, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • ....con't why the lies? why the hiding? Why are we even so bad off?!?! Oh, I know why. It's the best buy credit card I didn't know about unitl a year later. It's the paypal credit account I didn't know about for months. It's the dirtbike he bought himself for xmas that I didn't know about for 7 months! It's the matco tool account he racked up $1000 on. I put this under relationships because I don't know what to do about it. I have NO control over our account. And this isn't even close to being the only problem we have between us. Not by a long shot! I'm so hurt right now. Our DD needs new jeans, our other DD needs new shoes. And they won't be getting those this week.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:01 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • you HAVE to know what is going on with your finances... you have children to think of. It is one thing if he pays the bills kind of thing, but to have no aceess to your money and no idea what you money is spent on is as much your fault for letting it happen as it is his for doing it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:02 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • He does this bc his parents allow it it is their fault for letting him get this far. They need to say something he is just taking them for a ride he might not even notice he is what you call a freeloader...sorry but that is what it sounds and looks like it to me.

    Do not sign anything under your name with his bc he obviously can't even take care of his own finances. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • UGH.Sounds like he has a serious problem.Its like an addicted gambler but with spending money instead. He needs rehab for this problem. Can you suggest counseling to him or something along those lines?The first battle of his problem is to learn to be truthful with you about his spending.That is no way to live in a relationship.If you didnt have children together...I would even suggest seperation for awhile...but you are a family and families do stick together through thick and thin (unless you just can't take it anymore and he's completley unwilling to make a change).
    I would be pretty pissed off about the entire situation if my SO were to be so dishonest with me about things like that.
    Good Luck and I hope everything works out for you!

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 3:05 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • OP HERE: how is it MY fault he wont' put me on his account? You wouldn't believe what all I had to do just to hack into the online account, and all I know is how bad off we are. I tell him every week to do with a budget with me, you know what he says? "you knowing how much money we have won't make there be more money". I've made many many many budgets on my own based on what I know, but I like I said there's always something IDK about. He told me the matco tools were paid off and he didn't owe anymore. So either he lied, or he bought more because he just paid $250 on it. we don't have that much in the bank! How is it MY fault HE won't tell me what's going on??!?! If I ask, he won't tell me, or he lies.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • I pretty much never say this- but I think that you should see a lawyer and fast.
    I don't know what the laws are in your state, but in some states his credit rating is your credit rating.

    I would talk to a lawyer or two, or three and see what your rights are.
    this isn't all about you here- you have kids and for someone to open so many accounts and spend so much behind your back sounds like big trouble.

    I really think you'll regret it if you don't see about your rights.
    Not to suggest that you are being abused, but in many cases you can speak to someone at a woman's shelter and to see what services they may have. Some lawyers do their pro-bono work for those shelters.
    I understand if you love your husband and may not want to do this, but he's gone behind your back and sounds like he has a problem. For yourself and your girls, PLEASE speak to a lawyer.

    good luck, I'll be hoping good things for all of you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • because if you KNOW he lies about money and won't put you on the account then that means he is hiding something, in which case you had to have know that there were money problems

    If the person you are with won't give you access to something as important as your money, that would be a huge red flag to me!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • Honestly, you need to start working and making your own money. If not than your just going to continue to be put in a hole. The bank can drop you if you go over too much and that's gong to make it harder for other banks to have you as customers.

    Answer by SaraP1989 at 3:11 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • First of all, If you are married why are you not involved at all in the finances? I think you need to take charge, discuss with him that you know what is going on and tell him you are going to take over! There is no reason why you shouldnt be involved! Tell him you will try this for a 3 month period, take all his pay checks. Start a budget, make sure you have enough to pay all the bills, give him some spending money for whatever (gas in the car, coffee, lunch) put some aside to save to get your own place, and then work with what you have! I handle all the finances in my household, and this is how I do it, I pay all my bills, give my husband enough to live off of, save some, and then go and buy what is needed (kids shoes, jeans, ex)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:11 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • it's not your fault- we've all been there with men who do things that hurt us, or problems arise out of things we just didn't know-
    please get advice and fast!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

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