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Freindly Advice

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I am looking for some friendly advice. My best friend of a little over a year has 4 kdis. An almost 15 yr old D, amost 5 yr old D, a slightly autistic almost 4 yr old S, and a 16 mo. old son. Alli works part itme at night for a movie store. Her hubby works day hours as a pest contol guy.
My concern is how they treat Lexi, their 14 yr old. She has to get the kids up in the mornings, fix them breakfast, and sometimes dinner. She changes diapers and fixes diaper bags. Now, I know that as an older sister she needs to help with the younger ones, but it just seems that they pile way too much on her with out showing any appreciation. Lexi also keeps back burner to her younger counterparts. Like today, her brothers adn sister were sick, so instead of jsut taking Lexi to school, Alli went back to bed and said Lexi would have to be late to school. Well,

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GirlDotson

Asked by GirlDotson at 11:19 PM on Mar. 8, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • ...Well, in high school if you are late, you get a tardy, which if youget several, you get a detention. Now, being late is not Lexi fault, but that doesn' t matter.
    I called to talk to Alli this morning and Lexi answered. I asked why she wasn't at school and she said the kids were sick so she had to be late. She was in tears. Alli didn't even stay up with Lexi, she went back to bed. I had Lexi wake Alli up and I asked why Lexi wasn't at school. She told me because the kids were sick. I asked if Lexi was sick and she said no. I said, if Lexi is not sic then why isn't she at schol. Alli said she was going to take her later. I told her about Lexi getting in trouble for being late and tha tI would take her if she needed me to . She said no and asked if she could call me later. She hasn't called.
    I know it is their business, but I just feel like Lexi doesn't have anyone on her side, no onw to stand up for her....
    GirlDotson

    Answer by GirlDotson at 11:21 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • They aren't parents. Sounds like my cousin, she lets everyone else take care of her kids for her.
    LogansMama09

    Answer by LogansMama09 at 11:22 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • If Alli brings the kids somewhere and Lexi forgets to pus something inthe diaper bag, Alli gets mad at LExi. Isn't it Alli's responsibility to make sure everything is int heidaper bacg before they go anywhere.
    There are so many things. Lexi has so much responsibility that is not hers to have. During the sumemr, Alli sleeps till 11 and Lexi tends the kids. I realize Alli works till 11 or 12 on weekends, and stays up at night,but shouldn't she be the one getting up with her kids? Shouldn't Lexi be the one to sleep late on weekends and during the summer.
    I am just frustrated. I know Alli has the right to rasise her kids how she sees fit, but I worry about Lexi. I can easily see her rebelling because she has so much on her shoulders right now.
    GirlDotson

    Answer by GirlDotson at 11:22 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • I feel for her, but other than talk to her parents, what can you do?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • yes lexi should help out but she is still a child herself she should have to wake them up in the morning or get them ready for school...when helping out makes her late to school, or anything do to with school you have to ask yourself..."WHO IS THE PARENT? a 14teen year old or the adults in her house?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:24 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • awful. tell lexi to tell the school counselor so the school is in the know. when alli does get her butt out of bed, tell her what she's doing isn't cool.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • She has begged her parents to let her sign up for the armed forces when she is 17 so she can leave. She has talked about being a missionary so she can leave home as soon as possible. ELexi already has so much resentment towards her parnets and siblings. I just worry she is going to hold this against her parents for a long time.
    Alli si mty best friend. Neither of us had any real freinds besides our husbands before we met. We always say God put us together. We are as close as sisters. I love her and her family SO much. But I also know that I can't sit around and let her take advantage of Lexi anymore.
    So, my request for ya'll is how can I address thsi with her with out permanemtly damaging our friendship?
    GirlDotson

    Answer by GirlDotson at 11:25 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • P.S. Her dad said she can't get her license when she is 16 because a friend's mom let her driver her van on an pold country road for 2 blocks. She cannot have a facebook because she put her number on there 2 years ago. They wouldb't let her go to youth at church for four months while she was grounded, but they made her stay with them in adult church to help with the kids.

    P.P.S. The last couple of times I came in here and asked for advice, I was really hurt. So, I am olny looking for helpful, not hurtful advice on how to approach this with my bestie. Thanks for understanding.
    __________________
    GirlDotson

    Answer by GirlDotson at 11:26 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • <~~~ Been there. I practically raised my brother and sister. My brother called me mommy and my mom literally beat the crap outta me every time he did so. She claimed I was stealing her child. I'd miss school, and when I got in trouble for those absences, she'd come up to the school all dolled up and pretend she knew nothing of it. She's disappeared for days with no food in the house and I had to steal to feed my bro and sis.

    It doesnt sound like your friend is that bad, but she does need to step up. I understand she expects lexi to help out, but there is a line between helping out and becoming the parents.

    Stay in lexi's corner. She NEEDS someone!
    4xsthetrouble

    Answer by 4xsthetrouble at 11:31 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

  • Yes, she loves oll the kids, she just puts too much oin Lexi. She doesn't spank them, let alone beat them. Last year before Christmas, Lexi got grounded for mouthing off. She was grounded for 4 months! They took everything away from her. At Christmas time, she got a new pair of shoes, and they used them to take away from her later for some other reason. I am so frustrated at this situation!
    GirlDotson

    Answer by GirlDotson at 11:43 PM on Mar. 8, 2010

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