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What should I do about my daughters so called father?

My daughter turned 5 in Feb, her sperm donor moved away when she was 6 months old. He did get her everyother weekend when he was here, but left. He came and visited the last time in Dec 2006 she was a year and half old. I recently got engaged and not 2 weeks after he started texting me wanting to talk to her. I agreed under one condition that he not miss calling on the day we set up. He missed a day. He pays child support because it was set up when she was born on his request. We have never been to court for visitation. Where I am from child support and visitation are two different cases. Im not sure if I should give him a 3rd chance after all the time that has passed or make him take me to court to get the visitation he says he wants. Keep in mind he lives 8hrs away so really wouldnt ever be able to come see her. Please help.... Thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:08 AM on Mar. 9, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • If his own daughter is not important enough for him to remain in her life, I don't think you should give him a 3rd chance. It can be very damaging and devastating to a child when the father comes in and out of her life like that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 AM on Mar. 9, 2010

  • You cannot keep the child away from him. If you do, and he takes you to court it will look very bad. It is extremely frowned upon and courts are really beginning to crack down on parent alienation. If i were you, i'd take him to court!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 1:22 AM on Mar. 9, 2010

  • That's not necessarily true, my child's father also came in and out my dd's life, that is frowned upon by the court. Now her father is in the process of having his rights terminated for her best interest. If he takes you to court, they may set up visitation, but because he moved away, the court will likely be in your favor. There's always the chance he won't take you to court.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:29 AM on Mar. 9, 2010

  • If he's been gone this long, I'd make him take me to court. My kids' sperm donor hasn't seen them in 5 yrs. I would tell him to take me to court if he came back now. And then I would just explain to the judge that he's been gone this long and I truly feel that it's in my children's best interest to not see him. If the judge disagrees, then you do what he says. But I think the courts would be on your side here. And honestly, it sounds like he's just trying to be a pest since you got engaged. I doubt he'd even take you to court for visitation.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:56 AM on Mar. 9, 2010

  • My opinion...I have been on both sides of this. My parents were divorced when I was 3 and I got divorced when my boys were 3 and 5. Both situations dad wasn't exactly reliable. my mom moved away and I didn't get to see my dad. I missed him very much. I would have loved to see him if only when he could. When I got divorced I knew no matter what my ex would see the kids when he wanted. He wasn't always reliable. He'd often not see them for weeks and was unreliable with child support but I allowed him to see them whenever he could. The boys were able to keep their bond with their dad. To me that was far more important then anything else. Kids need a mom and a dad. I don't think it's appropriate to make that decision that a kid can't see their father. I could care a less what the courts say. What matters most is the child having a relationship with both parents. This is just my prespective.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 8:22 AM on Mar. 9, 2010

  • honestly, since she's now old enough to know that its her dad... when he leaves again- b/c that IS his track record, she will know that he left HER.. she'd be asking why he left HER, why he doesnt want HER, why he doesnt care about her, or doesnt call or anything! i honestly, wouldnt do it. if he wants to see her, he can go through the courts b/c then, everytime he misses out on visitations, it'll be documented.

    the courts will also ask him why he wasnt present for the last 5 years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Mar. 9, 2010

  • I would like to thank everyone for your post on my situation. I am going to make him take me to court if he ever does which i doubt and let the judge decided what is best for my daughter. He had the chance to be in her life eveyday if he wanted but decided to move away and I would never want to be put through something like what he is trying to do to her. My parents got the big D when i was 5 my dad just left and the only reason i think he got visitation was because it was set up in the D. I honestly didnt want to see my father because he left and really never paid attention to me he was too worried abt his own life to care what me and my older sister were doing, and now my younger sister is going through the same thing with him b/c her mother lost her when she got messed up with the wrong crowd. Thank you all again for your help i wanted to see if anyone else had the same views as me... continue to post if you would like.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:10 PM on Mar. 9, 2010

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