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I sort of feel like I shouldn't be asking this or I'm crazy or something...but does anyone else feel like they screw up evryday with their kids [yelling whatever] and feel like it makes them a bad mother or that they miss alot because they are just so stressed with the kids and on edge?

I guess I wanted to know for refrence I am always comparing myself to other mothers I see that seem happy and well rounded in love with their husbands and their kids just look like the picture of happiness and contentment.

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Tayleina

Asked by Tayleina at 3:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (13)
  • If you always look at it that way, then you will probably be disapointed for the rest of your life. Daily in general, not just with our children, we all make mistakes. With my first child I did that, and then when I had my second it all disapeared. We are all going to look back and think of things that we should have done differently, but what matters the most is what you do right. If your child is happy, and taken care of then that is what matters. If a situation is stressing you out, even if your child is crying, sometimes it is better to step into the other room for a few minutes than to take your stress out on your child. You will both feel better when you return, and then you don't have to feel bad either.
    lynenedubbels

    Answer by lynenedubbels at 3:50 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I know what you are feeling. I think it was worse when my daughter was younger, (she is only 3 1/2 now). Anyway, I think we have to remind ourselves that we are not perfect. As much as you want to be a perfect mother and always do the right thing, you are not going to.....I wish I could do more with my daughter and spend more time with her, I wish I could always have the right answer for her - to comfort her, I wish I always knew the right way to handle situations etc. I can only do my best, right??
    momfrst

    Answer by momfrst at 3:58 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • We MOMS are all human and yes we dont always do it by the book...I have yelled and screamed at my kids a few times but so did my mom and her mom and her mom ect ect ect you know...Just let them know you love them and somestimes life gets to you but they are still your whole world...and show them...I dont think you are a bad mom by no means...
    mistysnnc

    Answer by mistysnnc at 5:31 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I have been there. I found myself getting upset about things that kids do. The first step is just to realize you are doing it. Then try to think, is this really that bad that it deserves punishment or are they just being kids. This helped me in times when I was so overwhelmed with work, school and family that I didnt feel I could do any more. And it takes practice, it does not happen over night. Although it is best to try to prevent it from happening, we are all humans. So if I found I was too harsh on my son I will pull him to the side, have him sit on my lap and apologize. He may only be 3 1/2 but I feel he really understands. I explain why I got upset and let him know that mommy is very stressed out but that it is not his fault. I tell him that I love him and give him a big hug and kiss. This has gotten us through 3 years of overwhelming stress. I hope this helps you hun as I said I have been there and know how you feel. Good Luck
    Anubis8733

    Answer by Anubis8733 at 5:34 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I know exactly how you feel! I feel that way often; if fact, I created an 'anyonymous' poll under 'secrets and confessions' asking how many mothers felt that they were not very good at thier job (I posted it that way not to protect my identity, but as a writer doing research, I find people are more willing to be truly 'honset' when no one can trace a comment back to them).
    I feel this way often, but then there are the times when they cry and only want mommy and come to me and say, "I love you, mom", that I think, "Hey, I must not be so bad after all." I really don't put much stock in those moms who claim to/seem to have it all together. I find that they're usually being completely honset, or they are overcompensating for other flaws in thier lives (troubled marriage, secret depression, addictions, you name it). If you try to keep up with the Martha Stewarts of the world, you will most likely be miserable...and then what kind of parent would you be??
    Traci_plus_3

    Answer by Traci_plus_3 at 5:50 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I meant, "I find that they're usually NOT being completely honest." but I'm sure you figured that out already. Some writer I am. ;-)
    Traci_plus_3

    Answer by Traci_plus_3 at 5:52 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I know haw your feeling as I have been there. I find my self being more understanding as my children get older. I used to get upset and yell now and then. I found that if I went back and appoligized once I calmed down my son felt better and so did I. Now that he is older (16) if he gets mad and yells for what ever reason he always comes back and appoligizes. The times he yells are getting farther and farther apart as he is learning to control his emothions better and talk about his problems. In my opinion I feel it is due to me talking to him and apoligizing when I was wrong.
    jjohnson0217

    Answer by jjohnson0217 at 6:42 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • We are moms not super heros. Go easy on yourself..do what works for you and your little ones. Trust me there are no perfect moms, just like there are no perfect husbands ...or perfect anything! We just gotta work with what we have a try to make it as close to perfect as we can. We all make mistakes sometimes, try to do better next time. Remember to tell your kids "I am sorry " if you yell, let them know that you make mistakes too. It will make them feel better when they are not perfect. Hang in there...give yourself some credit...we have the most difficult jobs on earth. LOL
    MommasCooCoo

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 8:27 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I don't think that there is a mom on the planet who doesn't know how you feel.Don't compare yourself to other moms because you really don't know what their life is like for "REAL". You have a lot of moms out there who want to give the illusion of perfection but in actuality are struggling with their own issues too!!! Just try to go easier on yourself and I think it would help if you take some "me time" and break from the kids once in awhile if possible. Having an hour to yourself once in awhile can really do wonders. Take care.
    3kidz4me

    Answer by 3kidz4me at 9:11 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Just like everyone else says, this is completely normal.
    It's good when you finally get past comparing yourself to others and just know that you are doing the best you know how. I feel it is important everyday to tell your kids you ove them and give them kisses and hugs. It irritates me when you find these so called "perfect mothers" who claim their life is perfect. In my experience as a mother and a wife it should only matter how you feel you're doing as a mother and a spouse. Not anyone else.
    You do the best ou know how to do with yur children and show them love. I think every mother spends every day trying to work on their tone of voice and their patience level. As long as you care enough to worry about and change, I think you love your children. That's all we can ask for sometimes!
    jenrae10

    Answer by jenrae10 at 11:58 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

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