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biological father reappers

plz help,my sons biologiacal father has located me, my son is 24 yrs old,there are no hard feelings we were 14 yrs old,the problem is,my son has no idea that the man who has raised him is not he biological dad,they dont get along very well,we are divorsed.my son and my relationship is stained,we dont talk often ,he has agreed to hav dinner with me tonite,his real dad wants to see him,we r not sure if my son should be told the truth,plz help,my ex husband adopted my son at 4yrs old he has never known different,will he hate me even more i dont know what to do.his biological father has said he would like my son to no,but if it will crush him he wouldnt,but wants to be in his life somehow.plz remember i dont hold bad feeling for the father it was a bad situation,what do i do now.i never thoufght this would come up.....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Mar. 10, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (13)
  • My mother lied to me about my bio dad until I was 12 and got a big smack in my face that the dad I belived to be my dad was not.
    I searched for my bio family and my bio dad died before I got to meet him.
    I have always been upset with my mom for not telling me the truth from day one.
    It is like you are living one big lie!
    I would tell him, he deserves to know and needs to know for medical reasons.
    Be prepared for him to be realy upset with you probaly for a long time if not the rest of his life.
    Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • i don't think noone thinks it would come up. i was adopted by my dad when i was 5 found out about my bio dad when i was 11 and found him when i was 15 i didn't hate my mom for it although girls are a little diffrent than guys when it comes to that stuff. he ended up being a really big jerk he has been in and out of my life since i was 15 i am almost 28 now and now i have kids i don't want to put them through getting hurt so i no longer talk to him. before that he stopped seeing me when i was like 2. my mom tore up everything that might give me a clue later on that i had another father someplace i thing she was hoping it would never come to finding out. but i don't treat my adopted dad any diffrent i still call him dad and everything
    mommy5409

    Answer by mommy5409 at 10:22 AM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • This sounds like a tough one...well since your dh and your son don't get along maybe it is time for his biodad to meet besides your son is a grown man he became a grown man when he turned 18 so yes I would allow them to meet and if he does get upset with you about this what difference is it going to make he is upset with you anyway. I doubt he will stop talking to you you are his mother just give him time to adjust and absorb stuff. First of all start off by saying WHY you did this you did it for his own good now that things have calmed down and are somewhat good then let him know about his biodad and tell him how he wants to meet him. How does your dh feel about this? Either way he is still his dad the only dad he's ever know so let him know what is going on as well...if you think he will b ok with it u no him betr than we do. GL

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:35 AM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • BUTTERFLY1108; When my son found out his father was not his BIO-father, he got mad at me and STOPPED talking to me b/c of this. Just b/c your the Mother-doesn't mean the son will still talk to her. this was in 2003 and haven't heard from my son since. Boys hold grudges,not vocal-but inside even if your his MOM. This might make /or break the MOM -Son bond. I know it ruined my bond with my son-he was 23 when he found out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Your son should have known the truth years ago, it is not good to keep things like this a secret. It is always best to tell the truth. I think you should tell him he has a right to know.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:19 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Best case the son and bio dad become great friend and they forgive you. Worst case nobody ever speaks to you again. But it really isn't your decision is it. He is an adult and NEEDS to know the truth. Good Luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I would come out with the whole truth, explain that you had him at a very young age and made decisions based on your lack of experiences. Tell him that you, his dad, and him are having communication problems and you are saddened by them, but you feel you need to tell him something important, then tell him about his birth dad. I would then give both men, your son and bio dad, contact info and let them develop a relationship of their own. He will be mad at you, he will be mad at the man who raised him, and he may be mad at the birth dad, but he is an adult and will get beyond the anger, it may take a period of time but he will get beyond it. After the hurt and anger is past then you can work at repairing the relationship with your son and hope the three men do the same. Good luck!
    higherboundmom

    Answer by higherboundmom at 10:33 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Well with me, he stuck with the one who raised him, and not talk to me or the Bio father. He doesn't know his bio father,only the guy who raised him (as his father)- so b/c of that,they have a good relationship and I don't -he don't talk to me,6 years now.My son was a year younger then yours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:47 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Ask yourself "What is the right thing to do?" Even if "might" ruin what little relationship you have now.

    "What is the right thing?"

    Also, is it better to hear it from your mouth or his bio might approaching him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:07 PM on Mar. 12, 2010

  • Keeping that from him was just wrong. Tell him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2010

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