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porn = cheating?

ok so last night i found out my hubby has been looking at porn, I confronted him he denied it, he said it was me, I honestly dont look at that stuff, then he walked away, I went up to him and asked him again and he admitted it but said it was embarassing so his first thought was to deny it, ok my hubby has cheating on me before and at first when i found the porn i was upset about him lying to my face now that i think about it i dunno if i am ok with him looking at porn, being turned on by another woman whether its on tv or not, I know i have seen alot of questions on here about it, I guess i never though it would happen to me, I just feel like its the starting of a snowball effect first its just porn then he is fantasizing about other women in real life then goes to cheating.. How did you guys handle it?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:38 PM on Mar. 10, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (26)
  • men are still adults and whether we like it or not we can't control everything they do- just because a wife or SO doesn't like something, it doesn't mean that he has to follow it.
    It's not her fault that he looks at it- and she can lay down how she feels about it or what she finds unacceptable. But to assume that a man is going to do everything you tell him to do, or not do anything you don't like is setting yourself up for a big time disappointment-

    how do I know? because I'm the gal pal that guys complain to about this stuff-
    or they tell me how they sneak it under the wife's nose.

    There are things I don't like either, and I have deal breakers myself.
    but I'd much rather be OK with something than have him sneaking dumb movies under my nose add stress to everything- there's enough to worry about as it is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:51 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • It's not fair to blame the wife. He could have a problem with sex all around and it doesn't matter who he's with. He needs counseling. I never cared what two consenting adults do together. If it was established to begin with that this was a don't than it's wrong.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 12:45 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Your husband has a problem that has nothing to do with porn....
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 12:41 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. Personally I do not care if my husband looks at porn. It does not seem to affect our sex life and he is very loving and devoted to me. If it were causing problems in our marriage, I might feel differently about it.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:41 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • I think that depends on your personal beliefs. If my husband was looking at porn I would not consider it cheating. But if you are morally opposed to porn, and he knows it then it is wrong.


    That being said.... if he has cheated on you before, and is now looking at porn... I think you have an issue to address.  Is he not getting enough sexual stimulation from you?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:41 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • My husband and i both look at porn and neither of us have or ever would cheat. (i came close to cheating once, but i was not watching porn during that time).

    Oh, and we are a military couple and DH has been somewhere overseas for the entirety of our relationship. I think i would be more fearful if he stopped watching porn because then i would wonder where he is getting his pleasure from. ...but of course, our situation is different then yours. and i clearly feel differently then you do about porn. ..so.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:44 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • well, far as I know the hubby has never actually cheated-
    most of the time the porn doesn't bother me. Maybe because I know women in the industry and the idea of being in that movie making you feel sexy or romantic is a joke-

    I guess they just like looking at it. Doesn't really mean much to most men.

    I figure I'll stay ok with the porn as long as he stays ok with my 'toys'
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Porn doesn't bother me at all..I personally think masturbation is natural, monkeys do it. Thats me though. What would piss me off is if he was surfing porn sites and catching viruses (pun intended).

    Farrahann

    Answer by Farrahann at 12:50 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Porn does not lead to cheating. My hubby watches porn. Guys have needs, and I used to get upset about this as well, because my thought was, why do you need to look at porn, and get yourself off instead of coming to me....and guys sometimes just need to get a load off if you know what I mean, without having to worry about pleasing you. Basically sometimes they just wanna quickly take care of themselves. My hubby does this. Sometimes first thing in the morning, he watches porn and takes care of himself, but it really doesn't bother me because we still have sex, and it's still great. Porn really isn't that big of a deal. I know the initial thought isn't great, you think he's fantasizing about these women, and soon it wont be enough, but really...he's just a man, and trust me...just because he's watching porn does NOT mean that he is gunna go cheat. Hell, I watch porn...and I don't fantasize about them. You're fine. Just relax
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:56 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • from my single days it seemed this way- the guys that watched porn occasionally were better lovers than those that didn't - go figure.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

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