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How can I get my daughter to call home?

My lovely, only daughter moved several states away to find a job. She has been gone about 2 months and hasn't called home since. She has emailed me about every 10 days which I am very happy about. It's usually small talk but tells me she's fine. She told me she doesn't call like she should. She says she's trying to figure out everything for herself and wants some resolutions from some things before she starts calling in with updates. ( I would like to tell her she doesn't need to call to give so called updates!!) She's trying to get 2 feet on the ground I know.
She tells me she wants to have great news and great things to say when she calls.
She doesn't want me to feel like what she tells me are my things to figure out or for me to come up with a solution. She's trying to figure everything out without needing help. She is correct with me trying to help her too much.
So I have not called her. Should I call???

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Asked by tchur at 2:07 PM on Mar. 10, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • Call her. Try to avoid asking too many questions about her job search. Ask about the weather and the scenery and stuff like that. Tell her you just need to hear her voice. If she doesn't call back in a couple of weeks call her again and keep the conversation light.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • This is a tough call (no pun intended). She's keeping contact to let you know she's fine, which is great as you said.
    She's trying to find her place in the world, to find out just how strong she is and that is very honorable of her so you need to allow her to do this. Everyone comes to a point to where they need to know they can do it on their own, to come up with their own solutions to their own problems and maybe she knows if she hears your voice she'll tell you everything and she doesnt' want to do that.
    I'd respect her for this and just ask that she email more often maybe that you miss her. That you aren't going going to pressure her to tell you things, that you can talk about things that are on neutral topics in the emails and stand by your word. Right now she's trying to be brave and stand tall... give her the freedom to do that as long as you don't think she's in any danger.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 3:09 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • I agree with Lisa Ann........give her space to grow. I know it hurts because my DD has done that too, but they do need time and space to figure just where they are going. Sorry your going through this, but I really think most Moms go through it. Good luck hon.


    Answer by zbee at 4:40 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • She wants to be a big girl. Let her be. She'll call when she's ready to talk to you. It's time she lived life without mom. It's ok. Let her spread her wings.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:09 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • you can call, but I think I'd give it a few more weeks.
    I just wouldn't bombard her with questions -
    you could just tell her about a fun movie you saw lately or the like-

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • I'm going out and saying I bet she's homesick and if she calls she will breakdown. She wants to make it on her own and wants to wait to have good news to tell. (that way she wont cry and you convice her to come home)

    Ask her to email or text more frequently to help ease your mind. And let her struggle to get her life together on her, as she wants to do. Good luck to you both

    Answer by roxyann76 at 5:34 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Here's what I think I would do in this situation. I would call her, but I would set a timer before I did, giving myself about 5 minutes. Keep the conversation VERY light - do not ask her any questions about how she is, or anything like that.

    Just say "hey, I was making ___ (whatever her favorite dinner or dessert or whatever is), and I was thinking of you. Anyway, I gotta run, I need to finish this up and get it in the oven, but I just wanted to say Hi and that I love you! Talk to you later, bye! :-)

    Or, I was at ___ today (her favorite restaurant, store, or whatever) today, and I thought of you. Well, I gotta run, I'm heading to ___ (a friends house, the grocery, wherever), anyway, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you, and I love you - talk to you later, bye! :-)

    Say this in a very positive, upbeat (but not over the top) way. Don't ask her any questions or anything like that.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:34 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • cont

    You've let her know you're there for her, and you love her, but that you're willing to respect that she needs her space and that you are respecting her boundaries.

    If she wants to talk, then you can talk, but don't ask her if she wants to. If she starts, you can say to her "Honey, I love you, and you know I'm here for you, but please don't feel like you have to talk to me about this if you aren't ready to. This call wasn't about me digging into your personal life. I just wanted to say I love you.

    If she still wants to talk about whatever, then of course, talk to her. But this way, I think she will appreciate that you're there for her, but at the same time, you respect that she's an adult and that she needs to handle things herself - and that you have faith in her ability to do it! --- which reflects well on you, since you raised her ;-)


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:38 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Call her. but not everyday or anything. Even if-especially if-she is trying to figure her life out for herself and doesn't want any interference. Just call to remind her that you love her very much and that you are supportive and proud of her.

    Answer by Nicosmom10 at 7:16 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

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