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what is everyones views on open and or closed adoption.

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LILIANSTARKES

Asked by LILIANSTARKES at 9:39 PM on Mar. 10, 2010 in Adoption

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Answers (23)
  • whichever method is most comfortable for both parties involved is what matters. if and when i adopt, i'd want an open adoption so that my child is able to learn about his/her heritage. but if the child came from a bad home, i'd be more inclined to a closed or semi-open adoption. a closed adoption is more traditional, but i feel if an adopted child had the choice to contact their birth parents it would be better.
    mamahawkins

    Answer by mamahawkins at 9:52 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • Closed. I've been around too long and have seen too many open adoptions go bad.
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 10:12 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • well im placing the little girl im carrying, but the family I had picked out turned out to be untruthful, so im leaning more toward closed.
    LILIANSTARKES

    Answer by LILIANSTARKES at 10:31 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • i'm sorry your having a hard time with this. No matter what this isn't gonna be easy, but maybe making a list of what's important to you would help you choose what's best for you. If i were in the predicament, i would probably go with open, or the option for open, i think it would hurt so bad to know i may never see the baby again. And if you need to talk, i'll listen. Oh yeah, i'm from iowa too
    FinleyFirst

    Answer by FinleyFirst at 11:53 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • It's not about what is best for you or the adoptive parents, it's about what is best for the child. I would stress to NOT do a closed adoption. At the very least have a semi-open to where letters and pictures can be passed on through the agency and then hopefully the child you are putting up for adoption will be able to easily find you if she chooses.

    I will not lie...open adoption isn't all roses and lollipops. The first months especially took a huge emotional toll on us and the BFamily. But we saw it through and eventually things settled down. Now, DD is 4 years old and things are going great because we are all committed to keep this OA going for her, not for us or the BMom, but for HER.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:57 PM on Mar. 10, 2010

  • I did not start out in this adoption all "Pro-OA" at all.

    What completely turned me around and completely changed my attitude toward the whole thing was during a "break" we were taking from the BFamily after a particularly rough patch in the OA. I was picturing DD 5 or 10 years from now so very much wanting to meet her BMom and yet so very much afraid or scared or feeling awkward in telling me this worrying how I would react or how I would feel about it. In no way did I want to do that to her.

    But yeah...my recommendation is definitely an open adoption...how open at first should depend on you and the AParents and then when she gets older, your daughter's opinions about it should come into play. Good luck...OA isn't always easy, but I truly believe it is worth it for the Adoptee.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 12:08 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Quoting OP-"well im placing the little girl im carrying, but the family I had picked out turned out to be untruthful, so im leaning more toward closed."

    OP-What do you mean by this? If YOU are placing, you don't have to deal with an untruthful family, choose another one if you are still wanting to place your child. I don't understand....
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 7:41 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • I grew up in a very open adoption and I loved it, my adoptive mother and my birth mother were very close. Now that my husband and I are adopting, I feel that it the openness should be left up to the birth mother, but I personally feel that open and semi open adoptions are best for the child involved.

    MiddletonFamily

    Answer by MiddletonFamily at 11:01 AM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • Confused here...if someone is "untruthful" to you why are you giving them your baby?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

  • OP-Just to clarify, making sure that I am understanding you correctly..... You do realize that a "closed" adoption means that you will not know the names nor identity of the adopting family, nor will they know your identity. A semi-open adoption means that you may have each other's names, and they may even agree to send pictures and updates to YOU, but you don't have any visits with your child. No visits. In an OPEN adoption, you do know each other, you receive pictures and updates, and you also get to visit your child. Your child typically is told that you are his/her birth mother, and they know that they are adopted.

    But in a closed adoption, once you relinquish your child, signing those papers, that's it. You wait until they are AT LEAST 18 to contact you, IF EVER. Are you placing your child with an agency? Are you receiving counseling? What do you expect out of this adoption? You sound as though you need more info.
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 12:18 PM on Mar. 11, 2010

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